The 19 Best Bridal Shower Gifts of 2021

Hello and welcome to Bougie Bride Part II!!! Like I said, I wasn't expecting nearly as positive of a response to my last post as what I got, but since everyone seemed so interested in my bougie cousin, I'm here to give the good people of Reddit what they want. For those of you just joining us, here's the link to the first post: https://www.reddit.com/weddingshaming/comments/l1d0gj/bougie_bride/
Well you guys asked for it so here it is, don't be surprised if this post is very long, as I like to write and I have a LOT to say lol. Warning: this post is like XXXXXL!
It's still hard to decide where exactly to start when there was SO MUCH wrong with this wedding, but I suppose I'll start from the beginning. Let me set the stage. To begin, we have our infamous Bougie Bride, master of manipulation and terrible tantrums. But let me also introduce our Ghetto Groom, whose miserly might and supreme stinginess is a super power unto itself entirely. Together, they make for one of the most disagreeable dynamic duos out there. Truly, I don't know who I killed in a past life to have gotten stuck in such a shitshow of a wedding. But alas, at least my misery can be your entertainment.
As you all well know, there was some major beef between BB (Bougie Bride) and MOH, but let me expound on the finer points of the sisters' relationship so you can get a more nuanced understanding of the extent of their history, and why everyone was so surprised BB even asked her sister to be MOH in the first place.
Growing up, BB had anger issues, was a pathological liar, compulsive stealer, and an extreme narcissist. She stole MOH's makeup, video games, clothes, and even sketches (MOH was and is a great artist) and passed them off as her own. BB basically tried to usurp MOH's life, including interests, hobbies and likes, and then tried to pass them off as her own. Now, this wasn't your garden variety, typical sibling-copying-sibling kind of stuff, this was some serious, next-level Single White Female, I Want to Wear Your Skin Creepiness. It also completely stripped MOH of any identity because everyone would ascribe MOH's personality traits to BB and act as if MOH never did/liked/was interested in said hobby at all. For example, when BB stole MOH'S drawings, their mother pretended like MOH never drew to begin with and began to only nurture and encourage BB to draw. For Christmas she bought BB a beautiful art set, but not MOH. These things happened regularly, and created a lot of tension between the sisters over the years. Surprisingly, BB was sent to therapy for her behavioral issues, but it should also be noted that even though their mother sent BB to therapy, she still claims to this day there is nothing really wrong with BB. BB inherited most of her psychological problems from mom, and so that's why mom always favored BB growing up (at least, that's my perspective of why a mother would display such garish favoritism over the years.) Their mother also never believed MOH when she told mom BB was stealing (despite having solid evidence from multiple sources and family members), and dad is the type of dad who buries his head in the sand when any kind of problem crops up. So neither BB nor MOH had much guidance in the way of growing up, and unfortunately mom really enabled BB more than she helped her, and gas lighted MOH to the point where there is some serious family dysfunction between everyone.
To further exemplify the kind of human being BB is, growing up she cheated on all of her boyfriends, flirted with all of her friends' boyfriends, claimed she got along better with boys than girls because girls were too much drama, thought all of her female friends were jealous of hecopying her to the point that she accused two of them of stalking her (they weren't), thought all of her guy friends were in love with her, and even went so far as to accuse her sister of stealing her best friend. This is a very long story of lying and manipulation on BB's part probably meant for another sub, but what you do need to know is that the friendship theft in question is still a pretty sore point and actually created a huge rift within the family that spanned several years. I know this is a lot to unpack, but it all plays into the wedding drama and why participating in this wedding was about so much more than your typical bridezilla demands.
So with the necessary context out of the way, let's move onto the wedding. The first sign of what was to come was probably right after the engagement. Again, you already know the drama about BB picking her sister as MOH, but before MOH could even pick a venue or set something up, BB and GG (Ghetto Groom) were already thinking about all the PRESENTS they were going to get! I emphasize presents because this was actually an ENORMOUS focus of their's. So before MOH had that talk with BB from the last post, BB and GG came up with the idea that they were going to keep a master list of who gave them what at the bridal shower, with a note on how much each person spent on them. This wasn't really the issue, as lots of people do this, but it was the way she talked about it that was cringe. I have a lot of memorable quotes from BB because she really just dropped bombs any time she opened her mouth, and I will never forget the vehemence behind her words when she explained her reasoning for the list. It went a little something like this, "Fuck that, cheap bitches ain't getting a penny more from me when it comes time to go to THEIR wedding. They'll get what they give." Again, even though I personally wouldn't do the same thing, I understand people who would, but the wedding was never about having people come together to celebrate BB and GG's happiness, it was always about how much they could get for as little effort as possible, and the whole thing just left a sour taste in my mouth. She talked this way about her wedding gifts, too, and was generally just completely all-consumed with what people were going to get her. It didn't help that these sentiments were echoed and supported tenfold by GG's mom and grandma.
Anyway, lots of you wanted an update on what MOH's response was to BB's petty dig at her best friend. Basically, MOH politely told her she understood, but that considering she was unemployed and trying to save money, she just wanted to let BB know that whatever she was planning to do would most likely be small and intimate, and mostly between close friends and family. The thing you need to know about BB is if you don't talk to her like she is a small child, she tends to get very angry and uncompromising, so MOH really had to yes her to death about her best friend being too poor to be her MOH while simultaneously also be like, "hey, I'm poor, too." BB wasn't thrilled but kind of had to be ok with it for no other reason other than the sheer fact that there was literally nothing else MOH could do (and being that BB previously lost all of her other friends over the years, she literally didn't have anyone else to ask).
Real Talk for a minute-BB was also DEFINITELY expecting something extravagant whether MOH spent a lot of money or a little money, because MOH and myself (the only two people who would be helping with the bridal shower since trying to wrangle the other two bridesmaids was next to inpossible) are known for our parties. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, but design and party planning are kind of our thing. We do something special for every occasion, even if we can't spend money (we've built an arsenal of supplies up over the years where we don't really have to), and always try to go the extra mile no matter what kind of budget we're working with. BB told MOH to her face that this was one one of, if not the deciding factor in why she chose her for the role.
Well, MOH, being the nice person I said she was (generous to a fault even to people who have treated her poorly in life), felt bad for BB. She still wanted to do something over the top (she is very Taurian in nature, and she loves to lavish herself and others in luxury, whether its things or trips. This can also be her folly sometimes). Well, in this case it was her folly, because she made the fatal mistake of suggesting something rather unconventional. MOH told BB that if she was ok with it, instead if having a bridal shower, they could skip the shower and go all out for the bachelorette party. She suggested this in part because BB was a very unorthodox bride in the sense that she didn't even want to get married (it was mostly the result of pressure from GG), and explicitly said she didn't care about a bridal shower and didn't really want one. So MOH came up with the idea that for the bachelorette party, all the bridesmaids and BB would instead go on a destination vacation to a tropical, luxury spa, where everything would (of course) be paid for BB. Needless to say, BB loved this idea. When we approached the other two bridesmaids and asked them for dates, they said it really didn't work for them. To illustrate the bride's reaction and selfishness, she told us "bro, I could care less if they can make it. I don't need to spend time with them. If I have to go alone, I will, I just want to go to the spa." So BB was totally on board with the idea of sacrificing the bridal shower for a suped up bachelorette party. It was just going to be the three of us, and BB kept gushing about how excited she was and bragging to GG about where we were taking her.
I wish we made it to the spa. I wish everything worked out the way we intended it to and me, MOH, and BB could all bond over the shared memory of a great bachelorette party. Good readers, you know how it goes around these parts: no good deed goes unpunished.
Let's fast forward about a week or so after we all had the discussion. MOH gets called downstairs by her parents to have a "talk." We exchange nervous glances because the only time her parents want to "talk" to their kids is when they want to chastise them for something they did wrong, but boy, nothing could prepare me for what was to come. Turns out, BB went behind MOH's back and told her parents that MOH sat her down and told her she wasn't getting a bridal shower because she couldn't afford it. BB told parents that she was really upset about this, but that MOH didn't care because she had to do what was in her best interest. Suffice to say MOH was NOT happy, and her parents chewed her out for being a bad sister. MOH told her parents the truth (that BB was basically a stark raving lunatic who made the whole thing up), but parents didn't care. Inevitably it ended with parents threatening MOH to either throw a bridal shower or face serious repercussions. MOH was essentially caught between a rock and a hard spot, and eventually had to go back to the drawing board to figure something out.
And she did. MOH figured out a way to pay for a small and intimate gathering at a nearby resteraunt that had really lovely atmosphere and was somewhere everyone liked. MOH was still just a little over 2k out of pocket, but the venue accommodated about 25 people and, most importantly, everyone was happy, or so we thought. Well, as the story goes, everyone was NOT happy, least of all Bougie Bride! That's right ladies and gents, after it was all said and done, BB had yet ANOTHER gripe.
Turns out 25 people was not nearly enough accommodation for our precious princess! And at the encouragement of GG's meddling mom, who kept insisting they needed at LEAST 100 guests because OMG PRESENTZZZ, BB came a crying her little boy blue song to mom and dad yet again. I guess parents weren't as stupid as I gave them credit for, because even they recognized MOH wouldn't be able to do much about BB's ridiculous demands for a larger venue. They actually tried to negotiate with BB, but BB was equipped with the whispers of meddling mother-in-law who was just as adamant about a larger venue. So after a rather exhausting back and forth and the occasional outburst of bougie bridal tears, what did parents do? They went out and rented a larger venue space, and then they paid for it all (that's right, meddling-mother-in-law, after being the ring leader of the larger venue equals more presents movement, didn't offer to pay a dime). None of this should be too surprising I suppose when you take into account that in high school, BB used to unironically tell her friends she was "daddy's little rich girl," and upon graduating to college would randomly and without context drop to coworkers this gem of a line, "by the way I'm rich." If you felt awkward and confused reading that, it's because every time she said it, it was just as awkward and confusing. I swear to God it always came out of the blue and unprompted, too.
But I digress, after all of the tears and bloodshed, the bridal shower ended up being held at meddling mother in laws house due to personal reasons (mostly being that if parents were paying for the shower they wanted the guest list to be split evenly between BB's family and GG's family. GG and meddling mother in law only really care about his side of the family, so holding it at meddling mother in law's house allowed them to curate the guest list to their specifications, which made for one hell of an awkward shower, but that's for another Bougie Bride update entirely). So in short, BB's theatrics were really for nothing and we all had to be subjected to a terrible bridal shower anyway at meddling mother in laws house. The greatest part was that when all was said and done, neither parents or meddling mother in law paid for any of it, but poor MOH ended up footing the bill for catering expenses, tent rentals, floral bouquets, and the works.
So yes, good readers of Reddit, that is just a little slice of the overpriced cake. I hope you all thoroughly enjoyed this update, and if you're all still interested, there is sadly still much, much more where that came from.

UPDATE: Bougie Bride Part III: The Bridal Shower Bust

Greetings and salutations good people of Reddit! I know it's been a little bit of a delay between posts, but between work and the real world outside of reddit, it's been difficult to find time to put pen to paper. Alas, the show most go on, and here I am with part three!
First and foremost I want to say thank you to so many posters asking about MOH and whether or not she's ok. Let me just address this now so you can all rest easy in future posts: MOH is doing well and is no longer living at home with parents. She has since moved out and found a great job AWAY from her crazy family, and you can all breathe a sigh of relief knowing that, while this all did sadly transpire, it happened about a year ago so we all have had time and space away from the madness. As many of you eagle-eyed readers pointed out and hypothesized, MOH does in fact come from a household with a legitimate history of psychological disorders. Some of you have even suggested subreddits like /raisedbynarcissists, which I can assure you I found a few years back and passed along to my cousin. I genuinely want to thank you all who sympathize/empathize with MOH enough to go out of your way to suggest help and advice, but I also want everyone to know that MOH is in a much better place now. When I first created this series I:

Never thought people would be interested enough in our crazy family to even make it a series lol, and
Never intended to really share anything too personal about the how's and why's behind the family dysfunction. I just wanted a place to share some of my crazy stories and get a laugh out of one or two of you.

However, along with the kind words of support and general reactions, I also noticed in the last post there was a lot of naysayers and doubters who questioned MOH's sanity and intellect, going so far as to suggest it was MOH's own fault for being stupid enough to agree to the bridal shower when she didn't have money. At first I will admit I was annoyed by the critiques of my cousin who is such a wonderfully kind and generous person, and who has unfortunately experienced a lot of grief and trauma at a young age, but I realized that if you're going to share something private on a public forum, any and everything goes. After a while, though, I honestly kind of came to understand the battle cry of skepticism and the need to actually be able to rationalize the irrational. As a third person party to my cousin's dysfunctional family, who understands and is able to recognize what is healthy and what isn't, even I didn't realize just how unhinged a lot of what I wrote actually sounded until people started asking why MOH didn't just leave or say no. I wish there was an easy answer, but as someone who has studied psychology and gone into the profession as a direct result of my cousin, all I can say is it's never that easy, and there is a lot of work that goes into beginning the process of separation, healing, and forgiveness. What is normal to some is abnormal to others, and it’s always easier to pass judgement from a place that's a comfortable distance away from the situation than try and understand why things unraveled the way they did. I promise that if MOH could have walked away, she would have. Unfortunately, it was really the combination of extenuating circumstances that I already mentioned in my previous posts (like losing her job) that created this perfect storm of entrapment, and for reasons that won't necessarily make sense to people who have never had to deal with this level of toxicity, manipulation, guilt, and control, it probably won't ever make sense. Capturing the nuances of family dysfunction isn't really a tangible reality in a post meant to shame weddings and blow off some steam, nor was it my intention, but now you all know just a little bit more about the reality of the situation, and I hope it clears up any questions or doubts as to why MOH did what she did.
Also, MOH was relatively aghast and appalled at how mild mannered I made her sound throughout the wedding lol. So while everything that I wrote down did happen, it should be noted that MOH did NOT go quietly into that good night, and none of what happened transpired without MOH expressing loudly and clearly all of her issues with what was being asked of her and the manner in which her sister was going about everything. In the interest of time and characters and not writing anymore of a novel than I already did, some things came off slightly different I suppose than how they actually happened, but one of the reasons MOH clashed and still clashes with her parents so much is because she is the black sheep of the family in the sense that she challenges the status quo and questions the very fabric upon which her family's dysfunction is woven. MOH is VERY opinionated and VERY outspoken, and most importantly, she does not cow tow to her parents’ fear-mongering. They have actually had quite a few fights because of this, but during the time of the wedding MOH kind of had to swallow her pride and go along to get along. If some of you have never been put in a position where you've had to compromise yourself in some way or another just to temporarily get by, then you are very lucky and blessed, but MOH put up as much of a fight as her situation allowed before she had to bend to her family's distorted politics. In any event, she wanted it known that she did not take the wedding laying down, so I hope that clears some things up, as well. With that said, I'd like to take the spotlight off of the severity of growing up in an unhealthy household and refocus on the topic at hand: my cousin's ridiculous wedding and the ridiculous shenanigans that went on during it!
I call this installment of Bougie Bride "The Bridal Shower Bust." "But you already dissed the bridal shower!" I hear the collective groans and disappointment of my ardent and avid readers. Rest assured fellow redditors, I would not steer you adrift, and as much as I wish nothing of infamy took place on that fated day, the actual bridal shower had its own problems, too. Let's go back in time to when me and MOH had to actually begin preparations for the bridal shower. As many of you know, the big event was ultimately decided upon at meddling mother in law's house (MMIL from here forward). No big deal, me and MOH made the necessary arrangements and began contacting vendors to cater food, flowers, and party rentals. This was not a huge deal, as I've already mentioned me and MOH are a bit like unofficial party planners, so we had a great pool of contacts that came through for us in a pinch. But like I also mentioned previously, the remaining half of the bridal party (BB's poor lacky of a best friend and GG's reluctant sister) did NOT, in fact, want much of anything to do with it. Every text was met either by static silence from GG’s sister or an excuse as to why that time/place/event just couldn’t possibly work for BB’s best friend (from this point onwards affectionately dubbed BB’s Bitch). So literally the entire setup for the bridal shower and any preparations fell on MOH and myself. Well, and one other person. Readers, here’s where I implore you to harken back to that special time and place where I mentioned that BB accused MOH of stealing her (former) best friend. Let’s call that best friend Serena. Well, BB didn’t so much steal Serena as she saved her, but again I digress, what matters here is that Serena and MOH did in fact remain friends after the dissolution of BB and Serena’s friendship, and who should enter stage left like the savior me and MOH were praying for? Why, none other than Serena! That’s right, redditors, BB single handedly ostracized each and every one of her other friends that she had no one left to lean on, and the one sad sap of a friend she still had left (BB’s Bitch) still didn’t like her all that much to do anything for her. So the shit had to be shoveled by her old best friend. We are talking about a girl who BB lied to repeatedly, emotionally exploited and manipulated, and generally treated like a third-rate citizen whose existence relied solely on how she could benefit BB. Essentially, we are talking about a girl who BB ruthlessly talked so much shit about you could smell it two counties away. But Serena is the type of girl who shows up for her friends, and when she found out that everything was falling on our shoulders, she offered to help us despite everything BB had previously put her through. Serena didn’t do what she did for BB, she did it for us, but to illustrate what a lonely and pathetic person BB had grown into I needed to set the scene and make it known that nearly every aspect of the bridal shower was carried out by three people who actively disliked BB. In fact, three-fourths of her bridal party didn’t even like her, nor did we want to be there, and I did take a little solace in the fact that, while BB could pretend everything was alright, she knew as well as we all did that no one who was there, was there because they wanted to be. We weren’t there to support her or celebrate her or because we loved her. We were there out of duty and obligation, and BB knew that, and I know it killed the narcissist inside of her.
But let’s not get so sentimental! There is a bridal shower we need to discuss! Enter MMIL! It wouldn’t be a wedding story from hell if the in-laws didn’t make an appearance in some form or another, and boy oh boy did MMIL make up for the fact that her husband was actually a nice guy. So in the midst of trying to get everything together for a venue she insisted on (her backyard if you all remember), MMIL also wanted to essentially usurp the entire party. This would have actually been a warm welcome if MOH wasn’t paying for everything, so for the next some-odd weeks MMIL repeatedly kept calling MOH with ideas and suggestions completely outside the scope of what we had already planned. Instead of a garden party (the theme we chose relative to the setting) she wanted a tropical luau, instead of pink flowers she wanted all red roses, and on and on the nitpicking went. Whenever the full moon commenced her transformation from Meddling Mother-in-Law into Mad, Mangy Werewolf-in-Law, she also would call insisting there absolutely wasn’t enough guests and that we needed more. Obviously I’m being hyperbolic but she called enough times that MOH had to finally get firm with her and explain that because she was paying for a party that was already bigger than what she initially budgeted for, there simply wasn’t the money to invite Great Great Grandma Bea who GG hadn’t seen since he was one and who they only wanted to invite as a count towards one more PRESENT! (Remember, presents are paramount to GG’s family and were honestly the only reason MMIL wanted to increase the party size. This was confirmed to us by the devil herself BB when she stupidly confided to us, as if it were something to boast about, that MMIL was trying to get in touch with absolutely obscure family members so she could ensure GG and BB got as many goodies as they could possibly need. “We’re just trying to squeeze what we can out of everyone before we have to start paying for things on our own.” You enjoy that bop brought to you by yours truly, BB.).
Once MOH shot down the ever-expanding guest list for good, next came the dietary accommodations. Now, good readers, I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong idea about me or MOH. We are actually both very understanding people, especially when it comes to dietary restrictions and allergies (especially considering MOH has a pretty crippling food allergy herself), but this wasn’t your run-of-the-mill, little Timmy can’t eat peanuts or Aunt Sally is allergic to shellfish type of restriction. No, it was more along the lines of GG’s step-mom is vegan and the sight of meat makes her sick; GG’s step-sister is vegetarian so she can actually eat animal byproducts; some obscure cousin is gluten-intolerant but would feel ostracized if they couldn’t eat any of the desserts other party guests had access to; and some other cousin (yes, there were really that many cousins) was lactose intolerant. We did actually manage to accommodate everyone, but it wasn’t the fact that we had to grapple with several dietary restrictions that was annoying, it was the way that MMIL handled it. She expected us to accommodate the cousins (who were on MMIL’s side of the family), but because step-mom and step-daughter were on dad’s side of the family, (and MMIL has a whole subreddit full of issues with and resentment for dad) she didn’t think to tell us about those restrictions until we were about a week out from the event. She was completely flippant about the entire thing and had no regard whatsoever for how me and MOH would look, (you know, the one’s actually throwing the party) if we accommodated half of the shower guests but not the other half. We ended up putting in a rush order for step-mom and daughter and all went well, but it was a headache neither of us really needed. MMIL thought the whole thing was hilarious, and “it would have served them right for the shit they’ve put me through.” Please keep in mind that step-daughter is ten…
Somewhere between all of that, MMIL also kept changing the dates on us to better accommodate her guests only. She tried multiple times to get the party moved to a date which several of BB’s family members could not attend, but because it worked for GG’s side of the family (and because BB is dickmatized and therefore prioritizes what GG prioritizes), she insisted it was the most “advantageous” time. We did manage to work something out, but only because party guests on BB’s side were kind enough to rearrange their schedules to work around MMIL. If you’re keeping count, so far it’s MOH:1; MMIL:1.
Ok! So we’ve finally arrived to the big day of the shower! And what should we be greeted by first thing in the morning? Well, not to MMIL helping us with everything (we had a lot of decorations we were personally setting up, so we arrived a few hours early to get started. We also needed to be there for the table rentals, floral deliveries, etc., so we needed all the help we could get. I will even admit that BB’s Bitch and GG’s sister helped us that day, as well.). No, what we were greeted by was a lump of flesh moaning from the sofa for us to let ourselves in because she couldn’t move. So we all enter tentatively, looking around for where the sounds of a beached whale are coming from, and we spot MMIL with her foot propped up on a coffee table. Apparently, she stubbed her toe that morning, and it was so bad it completely knocked her off her feet. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t walk, she could hardly do anything! In my head I was thinking, well of course this conveniently happened when we need all hands on deck moving and arranging chairs and tables and decorations, but at the same time neither me or MOH really thought she was going to be much help regardless of whether she was able-bodied or not. We had gone to the house with the intention of doing what we do best: setting a party up quick and easy. So we offered MMIL our condolences, told her to stay off her feet and take it easy, and let her know we would be in the back getting ready.
Nope, wasn’t good enough for MMIL. I honestly don’t know what she expected (for us to drop everything and coddle and coo her?), but she didn’t want us to go. She tried to come up with every trick in the book to keep us in the living room listening to her sap story about her toe! Finally, when we had exhausted all of our sympathies and there wasn’t really anything else to say, she insisted that we look at it. So she took her pathetic bandage off her foot and showed us…a normal toe. She kept insisting you could see the chunk where her skin had come off, and how that was why she was walking off balance, but putting aside my disdain for MMIL, her foot honestly looked completely normal. I am not discounting that it hurt, and that maybe it even really did throw off her balance when it first happened, but there was no blood and no chunk of skin missing. It wasn’t even bruising. We all just kind of smiled awkwardly and told her to keep it on ice. The only way we were able to get away from the great Toe Disaster was when MOH finally said we needed to get the cake into the fridge.
Aaaaaaaand that brings me to our next debacle! One thing you need to keep in mind is that our story takes place in the heat of a North American summer. It was hot that day, and humid. It was so hot that when the flowers were delivered, they nearly started wilting upon arrival. It was so hot that even in the comfort of an air conditioned house, the cake we had custom ordered for the party was still breaking out in little beads of sweat. The bottom line was, it was hot, and when we had previously discussed arrangements and storage with MMIL several weeks prior, she promised us she would clear out fridge space for all the desserts and cakes we would serve. Also keep in mind that this is a woman with three refrigerators. I think you know where I’m going with this one, good readers. True to Murphy’s Law, MMIL did NOT clear out even one of her refrigerators. In fact, there was hardly any space at all to put ANYTHING. We had to actively start taking out food from her fridge just to clear a space for the regular food we needed to serve, but it was impossible to make room for the quite enormous cake that needed storing (we essentially would have had to clear out two shelves and then dismantle them so that we could fit the height of the cake). What’s worse is that when we questioned MMIL about why there was no room and what we should do, she kind of got passive aggressive with us and kept repeating that she didn’t know we were bringing so much food, or that we had such a large cake with us. Of course that was a lie and she knew FULL WELL that we were bringing food to feed the many mouths of all the guests she insisted be there, but she told us there really wasn’t anything she could do and that we would have to leave the cake outside. Safe to say we were NOT happy with this solution, but there was literally nothing else we could do. She kept promising us that the house was cool enough to preserve the cake, but we knew it wasn’t going to end well. Unfortunately, we did not have the convenience of time on our side and kind of had to make do with what we had, because we still had an entire party to set up.
Well what should happen but a small miracle once we got outside! The Holy Spirit must have come down and blessed MMIL that day because once the attention was off of her, her foot MAGICALLY healed! Enough for her to waddle outside, stand around, watch us set up, and loudly complain about how she wished she could help us but her foot was in so much pain she didn’t even know how she was walking on it. We kept telling her to sit down and go inside if it hurt so much, but clearly the foot was not the problem. MMIL wanted attention and was not getting it, and she made it infinitely harder to do what we had to do standing around like a lawn ornament.
With that drama behind us, we actually got set up and the party finally got started. It went smoothly for the most part, and MMIL completely forgot about her injured toe and was walking around and greeting people like nobody’s business. Ghetto Groom’s family was just as ghetto as him and didn’t really talk/engage much with either BB’s side of the family or us—the hosts. We went around and greeted everyone but they really didn’t want anything to do with anyone who wasn’t already in their family. No biggie, we had a party to oversee and there are worse things in life than not having to talk to ungracious party guests. Honestly, our main concern was with getting through the party and getting through the day alive, so it really cut through the BS and helped us laser focus on moving things along so it would all be over.
At the insistence of MMIL, it came time to serve dessert. It should be noted that we had originally planned to play bridal games before dessert, but MMIL went behind our backs while we were inside and prematurely announced to the whole party that dessert would be served. She also had her friends start cleaning up so that a good chunk of the guests were missing, and by that point me and MOH just didn’t think a fight was worth it. And so dessert was served, and with it, it had also become glaringly obviously why MMIL didn’t clear out fridge space. Upon checking on the status of our poor cake, it looked a little worse for wear and was sweating profusely. MMIL gently suggested we didn’t serve it, and in place we could serve her good friend’s pre-packaged dessert cookies and cakes that she just happened to have on hand. That’s right, turns out MMIL’s good friend was the owner of an aspiring bakery, and said friend thought it would be nice to bring dessert enough to stock a small bomb shelter. Everything conveniently had her logo on it, too, and things started to smell suspiciously like a conspiracy meant to give MMIL’s friend some free exposure. Yes, the stench of stinginess so strongly associated with GG was evidently a family affair. We told MMIL we were absolutely still serving our desserts and cake and that, while it was very nice of her friend to bring her own food, we didn’t need them nor did we have room for them outside on the limited table space. MMIL said she understood, and while we were doing damage control on our cake (which mostly consisted of us pathetically dabbing it down with a paper towel to make it look less sweaty), MMIL had filled up half of the table space with her friend’s desserts. To say we were frustrated would be an understatement, and the heat of the day certainly didn’t make it any better, but to confront MMIL and make a big scene honestly felt futile, and we just ended up shoving her friend’s desserts towards one small end of the table so we could display our food the way we wanted. MMIL didn’t seem happy, but by that point nothing really felt like it mattered anymore.
What else could have possibly gone wrong? Not much, tbh, but I’ll leave you good readers with this last little anecdote of tackiness. As I’ve already said, because GG prioritizes his family over BB’s, so does BB. And so when it came time to open the PRESENTS, you’d think BB was raised by a pack of wolves, with no family or mother to vouch for her existence. You see, once BB sat down, MMIL started yelling for party guests to move out of the way so that Grandma could be escorted to the front of the venue to have a front row seat. Grandma has leg issues and can’t walk unsupported, nor can she stand for long intervals, so she needed to be accompanied to the front and then a chair needed to be provided for her to sit down on. This would have been all fine if 1. Grandma wasn’t as much of a selfish, tacky human being as the monster MMIL that she raised (Grandma wasn’t even going to come to the shower because she didn’t want to bear the shame of using a walker until MMIL broke down and begged her to. She also believes weighing 2 pounds and looking “glamorous” is more important than being healthy), and 2. If Grandma didn’t suddenly take precedence over the bride’s actual mother. That’s right, BB and GG’s family were totally fine with BB opening gifts while BB's mother had to stand awkwardly in the back, behind all the first and second and third cousins whose names BB didn’t even know, until MOH actively stopped the present opening and insisted that their mother be brought to the front so that she could be present during her own daughter’s bridal shower. The cherry on top was BB’s Bitch sitting beside BB, frantically scribbling down every gift given, the name of the gift giver, and how much they spent on said gift, with BB and BB’s Bitch whispering relatively loudly so that it was kind of obvious to everyone what was going on. I privately laughed to myself and thought that you couldn’t really write it any better, and that no matter what, people always showed their true colors.
After that the party wrapped up without any more drama really, and me, MOH, and Serena rode into the sunset deliriously singing along to the Eurovision soundtrack. The wedding may have been far from over, but in that moment we had emerged from battle wounded but alive, and we nursed our small victory with the knowledge that it would all be over soon.

Bridezilla Karen ends up looking like a pauper at her own wedding

I (F48) have known “Pat” (F48) for decades. As far as I can remember, she was fixated on having 5 children and a picket fence dream life. I slowly cut ties with her in college because she was an opportunist and I didn’t trust her. She is both manipulative and forceful. Her idea of cute rubs me the wrong way. Pat likes to walk like a penguin when she wants to elicit pity, and she usually does this when she wants to evoke the underdog narrative. I’ve never seen someone act so despicable and ridiculous at the same time.
I moved on with my life. Happily got rid of her for years. Pat eventually found me on facebook. I accepted her friend request out of politeness.
Pat has become the epitome of a permissive mother. Her (5) kids do as they please and she never calls them out. She tried to force a relationship between me and her daughters and made them call me Auntie. Pat tried to drop them at my house uninvited. Her phone calls were insistent, she tried to monopolize my time and she began to show up at my job. I created some boundaries so she tried to find loopholes. It was a nightmare.
My husband and I hosted a party for the community center (not the real name) new members. The community center is actually a very informal initiative and my husband and I mainly serve the homeless population. We prefer to help strangers instead of catering to potentially narcissistic acquaintances. We don't mind lending a hand but we have encountered truly dishonest choosing beggars.
There are other services, like one of the members who helps women get their wedding and prom dresses for free.The community center location “headquarters” is actually a farm owned by an elderly couple. There is a barn, a venue and a very nice green field with an artificial lake and some fowl. They charge for the use of their facilities (weddings , etc.) but not for community oriented stuff.
Pat had always been salty at her husband for demanding that she go back to work after baby #3. In the meantime, he worked three jobs. She demanded he get her pregnant to fulfill her dream of having 5 kids. He didn’t agree, because he was already nearly 45 and felt like he might never be able to retire. She got away with bringing new babies into this world anyway. Her fascination with being pregnant comes from all the attention she gets. She had at least one miscarriage in between each kid.
Pat latched on to our group. She never missed any of our activities. I hated having her in my house, but it was an open invitation that included virtually everyone and she was very active as an event organizer. I didn’t like the way her kids behaved. We have a designated area for parties and entertainment, but her kids ended up inside my bedroom. We ended up having to keep watch of them and enjoyed zero of our own party.
I called her days later to get my point across (regarding their overall behavior) but she completely cut me off and began talking about herself and said her kids wanted to come visit again and use our pool. I never answered that. I didn't want to say “no, I will not have your brats over”.
She also called me as summer was approaching specifically to let me know her middle daughter was bored and wanted to spend a WEEK at our home. I politely declined, citing that me and my husband have to work and cannot entertain guests. .
Pat paid no heed. Her kid called me on the weekend,calling me “auntie” and attempted to coax me by saying “Mom says you invited me to spend SUMMER with you”. I quickly clarified, and offered an explanation to avoid hurting a kid’s self esteem. Nevermind. Her daughter just hung up on me.
Pat’s facebook also showed some red flags. Some cryptic rants here and there were visible, along with friends’ comments and complaints on how she asked a particular person to watch her kids only for a couple of hours and ended up leaving them all day. Another of her friends criticized her “girls night out “ because Pat had just asked them to be patient and wait until she could pay back some money that she owed them, yet she had money to spend on Friday night outings. I thought those very public comments on private matters were more like a cry of lost patience.
Unpleasant things began to happen. Like the time she volunteered to wrap the Xmas presents for underprivileged kids. We all wanted to create a mix of less costly gifts with really nice ones. Surprisingly, some nice and eye-catching toys and games went missing but turned up under her Christmas Tree (courtesy of her mother in law’s FB posts). No one could prove anything but it was hate-inducing. Or the time my daughter called me in tears to pick her up after she attended Pat’s daughter’s birthday (Casey). My daughter had been ignored all night because she didn’t gift her the expensive gaming stuff Casey practically demanded. My daughter did ask, but I said no. We would buy her a very nice and thoughtful present according to her taste. So when I went to pick her up my daughter was sitting alone in the living room while Casey and her friends stayed outside.
Stories about Pat and her family multiplied. The owners at the farm (community center) decided keep their their gates locked unless they had guests or events because Pat got in the habit of driving in whenever she pleased and it was either her kids screaming and disturbing on-going weddings, throwing rocks at the koi in the lake or harassing the geese in the yard. Or how she stiffed another soccer mom with the lunch bill and then pulled the struggling financially card. Or how other parents hated her because she created unnecessary hostile competition.
When my daughter turned 13, I allowed her to wear my grandma’s ring. It's not an expensive piece of jewelry, but it's vintage and girls nowadays wanna look boho. My Granny gave it to me when I became a teenager so I passed it on to my kid so she could wear it on her birthweek.
It was weird that she became quiet and distracted after that. She also didn’t want to go to school and my husband and I became suspicious. She never opened up, and my other kids had no clue.
We went to her school but her teachers assured us nothing had changed in her environment. My husband and I suspected she was being bullied but our kid gave us no tools to support her. My kid is very sunny, and very compassionate. She has never had any problems with other kids. I called her best friend’s mom. Natalie, my kid’s BFF, told us what was going on. Casey (Pat’s eldest) and my daughter had become “close”. I knew this and wasn’t too thrilled. I found the age (Casey was 17) gap not exactly inappropriate but I’d rather see my daughter spend time with friends in the same age range. Casey is very beautiful and a gifted student. She is also very conceited. To make this story short, she asked my daughter if she could try on the ring and refused to give it back. She later claimed that she lost it but “would look for it” so my daughter was distraught. My daughter kept asking for her ring and as a result, Casey shunned her and spread the word that my kid was trying to steal HER ring. Some kids at school took Casey’s side. So now Casey just wore my kid’s jewelry to school like nothing happened. If that doesn’t qualify as taunting I don't know what does.
My guilt comes from not being able to get my daughter to open up and feel safe telling me the truth. I talked to her and she burst into tears. I was both pained as a mother and furious that some teenage b!tch was doing this under our noses.
I went straight to Pat’s car after school. I asked to talk as Casey was about to go in. So I grabbed Casey’s hand and asked to see her jewelry. Casey froze and she tried to make a fist, so I became relentless. Casey yelled “Mom!” and Pat struggled to get out of the car. I slid the ring off (Casey has tiny hands and wore the ring on her index finger). First Pat yelled at me. After I confronted her with the engraving on the band (my grandma's maiden name), she argued it was loaned to her daughter by my kid. Then she said she bought it. I paid no heed. I did warn them that I knew Casey had become an abusive friend to my daughter.
Pat called me to tell me off. She said she was trying to raise an assertive young woman and I had just messed that up by being “overbearing”. She never apologized for her thief of a child.
Pat's husband ( Hank) is what can be described as a doormat. Pat wore him down to a knob. He had no choice but to “obey” her to keep the peace. She was a bully who actively withdrew affection when he didn’t follow her wishes, even in public. So she got kids #4 and #5 after a relentless campaign that included leaving him for two months. Her pregnancies were a nuisance because she expected to be treated like the only lady who has even been pregnant. She strolled around in a wheelchair almost immediately after getting pregnant and she would “get very sick” on weekends, so her kids were often sent to friends and family so that she could “rest”.
Pat systematically bullied Hank. She would leave town and take the kids with her. Poor Hank would look distraught, drinking on his porch or just looking really lonely. This is how she got off the hook and was able to leave her job. Hank had virtually no voice, so he struggled to keep the marriage together. Everyone liked him, but hated her equally. Hank loved to talk to other people but seemed concerned that Pat would be upset. Over time, according to my husband, Hank began to show signs of depression and mental distress.
Our friend, Lenah, runs the wedding/prom dress initiative. It's not complicated. Dresses are sourced from donations, ebay, trunk shows, etc. Unusually beautiful dresses are retained so that more than one bride gets to wear them. In some cases, a bride will pay 50 bucks, but most of the time, the dresses are donated to the bride.
Pat was involved in this. Lenah kept her in because they never had any issues and her task was limited to just shipping the dresses out.
Pat decided to renew her vows and her bridezilla Karenzilla attitude became the icing on the cake. For starters, she bullied another couple into giving up their wedding date at the farm because she “needed her renewal to match her exact wedding date”. They were not impressed with her harassment, so they booked another venue. As a result, the farm owners were pissed because Pat was already costing them money after she had successfully negotiated a cut in their rate “because she couldn't afford it but will repay by doing maintenance work around the venue” (she never made good on her word).
Pat became attached to a particular dress that was already assigned to another bride. Lenah made it clear that she would need to pay for her own dress. So Pat played it cool and shipped the wrong gown instead. She was adamant that it was the right dress, despite all the notes on Leah’s agenda. The other bride was truly gracious about it. She was obviously disappointed, but never made a scene.
What bothered me most is that I picked that dress and bought it for 40 bucks at a garage sale (not my money, Leah’s money). It was a vintage dress, ankle length, white with lots of lace and a huge bargain. Again, when confronted, Pat “did a Casey” and used the “this is mine” strategy. We felt so bad for the other bride that we did our best to get her something nice to wear. The other bride was a true fighter, she had pulled out of welfare, earned her high school diploma and was working to get on her feet by trying to earn a certificate as an acrylic nail technician. So, her reward was to have some Karen steal her dress? Pat never admitted to messing up, but just by the fact that she claimed it was her dress, we knew.
Lenah never allowed her in her warehouse again. Their last phone fight ended with Pat bringing up the other bride’s past (like it mattered) and “this conversation is over, it's my dress and you are mistaken”. That was weeks before the other bride’s wedding.
Pat went all out on her wedding decor. She spent way too much. She hired a caterer for some food (mainly mimosas and appetizers), but the wedding invitation included a request for specific dishes for her Sunday brunch wedding. Either she ran out of banquet money or was on a complete moocher mode.I picture the penguin walking upon practically asking everyone to supply her wedding reception grub and I cringe.
There is nothing wrong with potluck weddings. In fact, they can be a nice addition to a very cozy and family oriented wedding reception. But, don’t you need to at least be close to your guests in order to ask for such a thing? Even I got an invitation. I told everyone I wasn’t going because I was very uncomfortable being told what to bring and was probably expected to give them a cash gift on top of that. Some of the older ladies in our group agreed. Some said they would not decline in advance because she is a bully and they didn’t want a confrontation.
Lenah called me the night before Pat’s re-wedding. Lenah was there to close the Saturday night bingo and Pat was awfully friendly, but that’s what she does whenever things are going her way. Lenah peeked into the garment bag and saw the exact same dress while Pat was caught up supervising the wedding decoration.
The thing with Karens is that they expect everyone to suck it up, or make their dreams come true, or they simply underestimate everyone and think we are all fools.
Lenah is a very straightforward person with a “so sue me” attitude. She told me she would just ruin the dress. After all, it was hers, so she could do whatever she wanted. If Pat wanted to take legal action, and should things get ugly, she needed to prove ownership. However, the dress was the same, the marks inside the hem and the tags were the same. Even the tag numbers that were punched to identify each dress for logistics purposes matched.
Pat had the dress altered, with some extra beading and dyed to a deep cream color. But it was obviously the same garment. Lenah and I snuck in before the venue was closed for the night. All brides are allowed to stay in a small bedroom for a small charge, so that they don’t need to drive in on their wedding day. Honestly, the makeshift chapel was gorgeous, I don’t know how she paid for it but it was full of flowers and presumptuous details. I naively brought in some ink to spill on the dress, but Lenah said she wanted “something more awful, like a nasty surprise”. Ink would be too obvious and if she saw it ahead, she may be able to snag another gown from somewhere. No, the ideal thing was to have her trust the dress was fine. So Lenah locked herself in a bathroom stall and completely cut out the back panel. She patiently put it back on its hanger and zipped the bag. We left through the emergency door with the back of the dress stuffed inside Lenah's purse. I completely hate people who target and steal from anyone they (Pat and her kid) calculate to be in a weaker position.
The wedding was scheduled at 9 AM. Pat called me at 7 AM, but I ignored her calls. I picked up by 8 AM, both curious and wondering if she suspected anything. Pat was frantic.She was crying that her dress was “missing by half”. I purposely made her explain, being annoyingly dense and continually interrupting like she does, and stalling the conversation. She asked me if I could lend her my wedding dress. I said no, sorry. She then asked me if I would help her get a dress. I was satisfied to remind her that the town's bridal shops were closed on Sunday and the others that would open were almost an hour away. The farm is already almost one hour away from our town.
If Pat could get a shop to rent a dress, she would need to try the dress on, and get it steamed. Even if the dress was ready to wear, it would easily take more than two hours (roundtrip). She tried to ask me to go pick a dress (who would pay for this??). Even if a shop were open and brought her a dress, it would add to the cost. Also, these shops open at 10 or 9:30 at earliest. By time they got to her, it would be time to wrap up the wedding because she needed to clear the venue by 12:00 for the next event.
She broke down and mumbled some stupid stuff I didn't understand. So Pat hung up on me and called Lenah instead.. She asked Lenah to bring her “anything she had available”. Lenah and I ended up delivering the most outdated, moss smelling, oversized dressed. Pat’s disappointment was a mix between angry and emotional. She also tried to wear her knee length silk bridal slip as a wedding dress but it was too obvious and it really looked cheap. She tried to get her daughter to give her her own dress to wear with an open back zipper (due to fitting issues) but Casey refused, asking if she was supposed to attend the wedding naked (she got a point, plus Casey is petite).
The dress needed a petticoat to plump up the skirt, which wasn’t available. So it dragged all over the floor and Pat had to keep pulling it up. Pat walked down the aisle with one hand on her bouquet and another one grabbing her dress. The dress looked limp and weird with the arrangements of pins (they didn’t show) that caused the sleeves and neckline to pucker into messy rims. She spent the ceremony looking uncomfortable and out of place. Very few people attended but that was not part of any revenge, that was just how people reacted to her entitled attitude.
The dress looked awful. The reception portion of the wedding had all this princely decoration, a very nice cake and a bridezilla with a dress from hell. I didn’t stay, but I was told, she was so disappointed she spent her wedding sulking. There was no dance, no actual speech. She had to change into a shirt and leggings because the dress was too uncomfortable. Everyone talked about how Pat put on her flip flops and walked around aimlessly until she ordered the ushers to start folding up the chairs within one hour of the reception. So she practically kicked everyone out and the cake was never cut.
Pat wasn’t the same after this.She was not as loud and avoided everyone. I think she was disappointed that nobody ran to her rescue, not even her family who came from out of town.
Her husband finally cracked under all the pressure and sought some help. He was slaving away and coming home to clean the house while Pat used her kids as an excuse to spend like crazy. Hank also had to do kid homework because Pat never had time or never had patience. She also refused to get a partime job so her kids could attend an afterschool and get help with their school stuff. Therapy seemed to help Hank because the last time Pat left with her kids, he didn't seem distraught. He would be riding his bicycle and could be seen more relaxed while mowing his lawn. Hank told my husband that he had contemplated suicide after their third kid. When Pat returned, he maintained the routine but was interested in going out by himself and doing things for himself. We began to see Pat alone all the time. Hank was seen less and less in the same car and eventually moved in with his parents. He filed for divorce on the grounds of emotional cruelty and I don't think he won. Instead (I’m not sure of this because this is what I was told) there was some sort of a settlement or agreement that she would not get close or interact with him unless it has to do with the kids).
I also don’t know if Pat even actually suspected who/what happened to her dress. She slowly pulled away from the community center and became less active in social gatherings. Pat also removed me from her facebook as well as mostly everyone else from school and the center.
EDIT: TLDR
Bridezilla stole a wedding dress from an underprivileged woman. The actual dress owner destroys her big day.
EDIT: Regarding my kid, there were no prior incidents. Pat, her family and my family were not "friends'. I did see her often. After Casey's birthday incident, there we no additional situations until what happened with the ring. After that, Casey played the "OP treated me badly" card because I physically removed the ring from her hands but I honestly don't feel I need to protect her emotions.
EDIT: THANKS to everyone who took their time to read. Thanks for the nice and kind comments and even the naysayers or aggressive ones. I understand we are all different and some situations can seem enraging or so difficult we instantly want to fix it by reacting or by reproaching. Its human nature to instantly go for "this is what should have happened instead". I appreciate your input. Even the mocking, raging and scrutinizing ones show me indignation and this is good. No one has yet said "I love what Pat did" and that shows we are still striving for a more fair and balanced life. Even the snyde comments show me this has gotten under your skin and I try not to judge. The lovely and supportive Redditors who have shown kindness are also very appreciated.
For the most accurate description, these links can help you get an idea. Not the actual dresses, but extremely close.
What she thought she would wear down the aisle: (shorter sleeve, no train, only ankle-length)
https://www.amyprom.com/products/see-through-scoop-beach-lace-wedding-dresses-long-sleeve-romantic-boho-wedding-dress-bridal-gowns-amy3003
What she got, oversized, outdated. Actually, the dress was even bigger.
https://www.etsy.com/listing/294506251/etsy-wedding-romantic-lace-wedding-dress?utm_source=Pinterest&utm_medium=PageTools&utm_campaign=Share&utm_term=so.lp.d2.v1&share_time=1530444138000

[Bob the hobo] A Celestial Wars Spin-Off Part 0289

PART TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-NINE
Sunday
“CLEFTON!”
Nick made his way into Clefton’s penthouse bedroom, fully expecting to have to dig his cousin out from under the pile of lady lovers that he’d accumulated from the night before. Especially if the thick trail of clothing from the elevator to the bedroom doors was anything to go by.
As expected, nude women were everywhere, but a quick scan of the room said the musician himself was nowhere in sight.
Two of the women were kneeling beside the ensuite door, one with their hand on the door handle, though they swung to stare at him with wide-eyed looks.
“Is he in there?” Nick asked, knowing how unlikely it was for Clefton to be hiding in his bathroom when he usually preferred to burn off excess energy before and after a concert.
“He got a phone call,” one of the ladies on the bed purred. She was on her back with her head hanging off the side of the mattress, so she was looking at him upside down. The glassy glaze in her otherwise softly satisfied expression had Nick searching the immediate area for a staging …
… there. On the coffee table under the widescreen TV. Amongst all the empty booze bottles, there was enough white powder scattered everywhere to make it look like someone had broken open a full container of talc. The tightly rolled twenty dollar notes scattered amongst the powder that in areas were drawn into thicker, three-inch lines in places had Nick taking a deep breath and holding it to calm himself.
“Ladies, the party’s over. Those of you who can get dressed, I suggest you do so now. Those who can’t, will be given a hand to reception.”
A chorus of denials went up, except for two who left the ensuite and crawled across the floor on their hands and knees towards him. “You look yummy too,” one purred.
In a single, acrobatic move (that may or may not have been made possible with the use of his wings) Nick did a standing forward flip over both the girls and the bed, ending in a half twist that placed his back to the ensuite door. By the time he landed, he already had his phone out and was contacting his security team, who had a group speed dial for this very situation.
“Gentlemen, if you could make your way to the penthouse. Clefton’s lady friends were just getting ready to leave.”
“Boo!” “Spoilsport!” “Killjoy!” “Bad security man.”
It was nothing Nick hadn’t heard a thousand times before. The drugs just pissed him off, though he knew they weren’t Clefton’s. Being hybrids meant the buzz from coke wore off faster on them than it took to snort it. The girls must’ve brought it with them when they came, and Clefton was all for encouraging a partying atmosphere.
Normally, Nick didn’t mind. But even if Clefton was in the bathroom taking care of business (one way or another) he’d always answer when Nick called out for him. If only to tell him to fuck off and come back later.
Silence wasn’t Clefton’s thing.
Being one floor down, the security team arrived quickly and began to escort the ladies through the penthouse, assisting with the recovery of shoes, clothes, and purses to their rightful owners. It was such a familiar process to them that it was done by rote.
As the numbers started to thin, Nick saw several of Clefton’s clothes scattered around the floor. Clothes the musician hadn’t worn yet. “Wait,” he said, bringing his whole team to a halt. “Why are Clefton’s clothes out?”
“He wanted to leave,” one of his little sex bunnies giggled.
“We didn’t want him to go,” said another.
“He left?!” Nick roared.
Instead of being intimidated, the girls laughed. “Noooo,” they purred, flicking a hand at the ensuite. “He’s hiding in there. But we weren’t gonna let him get away.” With another wasted giggle, she added, “He has to come out sooner or later.” Her dreamy expression fell. “That is, ’till you came and spoiled the party. Mr Party-Pooper.”
Realising what they weren’t saying, Nick’s whole attitude changed. “Get them out of here! Right now! I want this room cleared in the next thirty seconds!” He was no longer giving them the chance to be taken one at a time to the reception area. They could sort out who belonged to what in the living room outside.
More boos and hisses came his way as the men leapt to obey. The women were half-dragged, half-carried in ones and twos at double speed and dropped into the numerous lounges outside. Trepidation was already climbing up Nick’s spine, but he didn’t want to react until he had it confirmed. As the last one was taken out and their gear was gathered and removed, Nick added, “And close the doors.”
The last of his men dumped the belongings he’d accumulated to one side, then reached back in to pull the double doors shut in his wake, nodding at Nick right before they closed.
Nick ran to the doors and dropped the lock, then spread his wings and rocketed to the ensuite. His fist took the door handle much as the girls’ had, only when he twisted it, he smashed out the lock, removing the entire handle in one sharp motion.
“Boss?!” someone called from the living room.
“All good. Take care of them. We’ll be out in a minute.”
“Yes, sir.”
Nick knew what he was going to find before he even walked in, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to scream or wring Clefton’s neck, or both. Especially when Clefton’s phone was left on the sink and a quick search of his call log had Sam as his most recent contact over two hours ago.
Nick dug out his own phone, then cursed and put it away again. Sam hadn’t given him his contact details. The only one he’d shared those details with was Clefton.
Nick hit redial on Clefton’s phone and waited for the newest member to the Nascerdios Clan to pick up.
“Oh, hey, man! You scared the hell out of me! Are you okay?”
Sam’s rushed response came through the moment the connection was made, confirming what Nick had suspected. “Sam, it’s Nick.”
“Oh.”
The disappointment in Sam's voice was annoying. “Nice to hear your voice too, you little dweeb.”
“Sorry…sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. After Dad disappeared with Clefton, I’ve been hoping he’d call me to say he was fine.”
Oh … shit. “Clefton’s with Llyr?” No … no … no … no…
“Yeah.”
Fuck!
“They left about two hours ago. Dad said he’d be fine for his concert and that they needed to talk. But I’ve seen Dad’s idea of a talk before.”
“I doubt it,” Nick countered. There wasn’t a fireball’s chance in Antenora that Llyr had properly let loose in front of Sam. Not without lifting Sam’s veil first to show him they could take it.
“What?”
Nothing. “Leave it with me. I’ve got a pretty good idea of where they went.” Although there were plenty of places in the world that Llyr would have taken Clefton for absolute privacy, the old bastard was a creature of habit, and Nick’s father and Uncle Fabron had built that soundproofed mini-dungeon beneath Llyr’s underground garage. Nick and his little sister only knew of it because their father had not-so-jokingly threatened to have a replica of it built for them, every time they acted out.
“Call me when you find him, will you? I just want to know he’s okay.”
“You alright with me taking this number and adding it to my phone?”
“Sure. Go for it!”
To put the younger man’s mind at ease, Nick added, “Sam, if your dad said Clefton would be fine for the concert, he’ll be okay for the concert, Sam. Your dad’s not a liar.”
“I know, but …”
There was no way in Hell Nick was going to answer Sam’s inquiry. Not when he had another way out of it. Unfortunately. “Leave it at that, Sam. It’s a Nascerdios thing.” Nick winced as the words passed his lips. Sorry, kid.
As expected, Sam sighed and didn’t push any further.
Leaving Nick to feel about two inches tall. “Ummm, I’ll talk to you soon, man,” he said, then, hoping this would make him feel better, he added, “We both will.”
“Okay. Later, cuz.”
Nick sighed as the call disconnected, knowing Sam had only thrown that family connection in because the novelty to do so was still there. That’ll wear off in a few decades. He also made a mental note to make it up to Sam once the kid’s veil was lifted and he learned the truth.
In two steps, he was on the front landing of Llyr’s main residence. He really wanted to be wrong about this, but he didn’t think he was. Raising his hand to the door, he knocked and was greeted by Adam Cable, Llyr’s butler who also ran the house in Llyr’s absence.
The butler smiled warmly in recognition. “Lord Nick,” he said, for Llyr had instructed him a long time ago against the uselessness of referring to every male member of the family as “Lord Nascerdios”.
Nick breathed through the expletives that rocketed to his mind. Fucking old bloods and their stupid regal titles. “Hey. I was wondering, is there any chance I can have a look in Llyr’s basement? I’ve been looking all over for something and that’s pretty much the last place I can think of to search.”
Adam stepped back. “Of course, sir. Do you require any assistance…?”
“No!” Toning it down, he said, “No, thanks. You know the rules. Family only in the basement.”
“Very good, sir. Please, do not hesitate to let myself or one of the staff know if we can be of any assistance.”
“Will do.” Nick slipped past the butler and made his way through the house towards the stairwell to one side of the glass elevator. He caught the eye of two household staff along the way, to which he smiled and nodded in a friendly manner, despite his urgency. He wanted them to think there was nothing unusual about his visit and everything was perfectly alright.
That mask was maintained right up until he walked through the doorway and saw Clefton sitting on the stone floor with his head bowed forward over his splayed knees. The only thing keeping him from face-planting was his left hand shackled over his head; which would’ve also prevented him from realm-stepping.
“CLEFTON!”
Clefton raised his head at the sound of his name. His right eye was swollen shut and his whole face looked like it had been run over by a truck. “Heeyy,” he slurred, through broken teeth and bleeding gums. Only one side of his chest seemed to be working. “You sh’d see …uvva guy.”
Nick stared at him in horror. “What the fuck did you do?!”
“I…migh ’a menssh’d Fis’s fleet t’ Sam.”
Nick froze. I might have mentioned Fisk’s fleet to Sam. “Oh, for the love of all that’s holy … tell me you didn’t,” he pleaded, though all the corroborating evidence lay before him.
Clefton let out a weak whimper. “Prolly no’ m’ bess moof.” Probably not my best move.
“YA THINK?!” Nick roared. “You stepped into the middle of an elder’s business! War’s son no less! You’re lucky he didn’t break your fucking neck!”
“Think … ’e did. Juss’ gettn’ feelin’ b’ck now.”
Which would explain why his face still looked like two pounds of minced beef. Celestial healing didn’t rate all injuries the same. It worked on a triage system and a broken spine would’ve taken priority over superficial damage.
Nick searched the nearby area and found the key hanging on a hook next to his head. “I really should leave you here,” he said, but then took the key and unshackled Clefton, catching him as he slid forward without the chain’s support. “How could you be so stupid?!” Nick hooked one hand under Clefton’s knees and lifted him into the air in a bridal carry.
Clefton’s head rolled sideways into Nick’s shoulder. “’s a gif’.” It’s a gift.
Dickhead.
* * *

PART TWO HUNDRED AND NINETY

Previous Part 288
((All comments welcome. Good or bad, I'd love to hear your thoughts 🥰🤗))
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For more of my work including previous parts or WPs: Angel466 or indexed here
FULL INDEX OF BOB THE HOBO TO DATE CAN BE FOUND HERE!!

OP is maid of honour, but little sister threw a tantrum and now she is the maid of honour

repost, original post by u/swearingbridesmaid

My (F26) older sister (F28) has made me maid of honour for her wedding in one month and half sister (F21) is throwing a fit.
So for background my sister Laura and I were raised by our mom without a dad for the first 5ish years of my life. It was just the 3 of us until my mom met my step dad. They got married and had our little sister, Karrie not long after. My step dad is an awesome guy. Before he came along Laura, mom and I lived in a tiny apartment with nothing much but second hand items and each other, but we were happy because we had a roof over our head and food on the table.
My step dad has an excellent job so once they married and had Karrie we moved into a nice big house, a mansion compared to our apartment, and started getting nice gifts at Christmas time and birthdays. This is what Karrie grew up with, and whereas we grew up with a lot of it too I don’t think it affected us as bad because we remember what it’s like to be frugal and to not have much. My mom to this day is still very frugal and we love to go thrifting or making our own items like we used to anyways, so Laura and I are very separate from Karrie in that regard.
Karrie has always been spoilt, but not in a throw a tantrum and ask daddy for a new car way, but she’ll ask for a $500 birthday cake and get it, buy name brand things only and if she can’t have something for whatever reason she’ll pout for 3 days and be moody.
So surprise surprise she still lives with mom and dad and doesn’t have a job of her own and they seem to be fine with it but whatever.
Anyways Laura’s boyfriend of 6 years proposed last year and we were all thrilled, he’s a great guy and we all love him. Back when she first got engaged she gave me, her friend Charlotte and Karrie a box of beautiful earrings that said “Will you be a bridesmaid?” And mine said “Maid of honour” We were all giddy and started coming up with ideas and discussing colours and cakes and all that fun stuff, but they decided to wait a year to save and to figure out what they wanted.
Well 4 months ago Laura announced she was pregnant, and as a family we were all excited. All except Karrie who remained quiet and didn’t say much about it. Laura then explained that her and Alan decided they want to have the wedding in two months, with about 30-40 people so that they can really celebrate before the baby.
Step dad offered them $10k so they could have their dream wedding, but due to the circumstances they asked if they could use most of that money on a house they were looking at instead and he agreed.
So Charlotte, Laura, mom and I have been frantically planning things and it’s been a lot of fun, except for the fact that Karrie hasn’t said much about it from the start and whenever we start wedding planning she either goes on her phone or will not pay much attention. Finally Laura had a talk and asked her for more input and to participate more and Karrie agreed.
When we were on our way to the dollar store to pick up some wedding decorations Karrie scoffed and said “Dollar store decorations? That’s so tacky.” But we ignored her and did our thing. When we asked if she would help us make hand made invitations she complained again and said it’ll look like a bunch of preschoolers made it and just stomped away. Finally just recently we were all dress shopping, and Laura told us we can pick whatever dress we want as long as it’s blue, because she wants it to be simple and we would be paying for it ourselves. So mom, Charlotte and I went into H&M and found beautiful blue summer maxi dresses (different styles, mom had lace, mine is a floral cotton) and Laura thought they were perfect. Except Karrie, of course, and she wanted to buy this $2k bridesmaid designer gown she found online. My mom told her that was ridiculous, Laura’s gown didn’t even cost that much.
So Karrie of course pouted and whined so mom gave in and we all went to this fancy bridal shop. Karrie right away found a pink blush gown that she HAD to wear. But, it was $1k. Mom said a firm no, plus it’s not even blue like the other bridesmaids. My sister then said blue was the stupidest colour for a bridesmaid dress because “we don’t even live near the ocean!” (?) Anyways we all left and she had her little pout and mom lectured her and told her this is a frugal wedding (it’s in our backyard, BBQ with only 30-40 people) and so she doesn’t need a 2k designer dress of any kind.
Fast forward to a few days later and Karrie says she found a dress to wear that she already had in her closet. Plus it was blue. So we thought terrific! But when we went over to mom and dads Karrie strutted out in her old prom dress from high school, which is basically a puffy ball gown bedazzled with jewels, and as anyone does after high school she grew out of it so her boobs were spilling out and it overall was not flattering. On top of all that she was wearing a tiara full of sparkling jewels that she claimed she bought just for the wedding. Mom and Laura were silent and finally I felt I had enough so I snapped and told her she couldn’t possibly be serious? Wearing a dress fancier than the bride is one thing, having your boobs spill out is another, but also wearing a crown on top of that? Who does she think she is?
Karrie crossed her arms and said “I’m the maid of honour of course I’m going to wear a crown!”
This is when we all get silent until Laura speaks up and says “Maid of honour? I made Amy made of honour, you and Charlotte are the bridesmaids.”
Well this triggered Karrie and she began screeching “WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM NOT MAID OF HONOUR YOU TOLD ME I WAS!”
When??
“WHEN YOU GAVE US THOSE PRESENTS, I GOT EARRINGS BECAUSE IM MAID OF HONOUR”
Now I don’t know if for this past year Karrie really truly thought she was maid of honour and got the title bridesmaid mixed up, or if she was in denial or just simply didn’t pay any attention to detail, because I’ve been maid of honour this entire time and she hasn’t said anything about it until then. But this caused her to have the worst melt down I think I have ever witnessed in my life. I truly thought people only acted like this in movies, or storybooks. Whenever a Redditor would post about a bridezilla or wedding melt down I always thought ‘This must be exaggerated’
But this has been the worst meltdown ever in our family. Karrie began screaming, crying. She ripped off her crown and stomped around until dad came down to see what all the fuss was about. Through her blubbering she told Laura her wedding was all wrong. She said she should be using that 10k for a nice wedding instead of that ugly brick house her and Alan wanted, because that’s what the money was meant for. She also said it was the stupidest idea ever that my sister would want to get married while pregnant because “you look like a fat swan in your wedding dress!” And again she rambled onto something about how blue is a dumb colour because we don’t live near an ocean. I think at this point she’s just pulling stuff out of her ass. Dad tried to calm her down and she finally screams that if she can’t be maid of honour then no one can, and she won’t go to the wedding.
At this point Laura is a mess and is crying her heart out and I’m ready to smack that little witch so hard that the crown stays off her head permanently. But before I can say anything Laura says fine, you can be maid of honour, you win. And just like that, Karrie stopped crying and she gave a small smile before going up to her room.
Mom and dad start arguing, dad saying there’s nothing you can do to control a 20 year olds behaviour, and Laura had went to the next room to call Alan about potentially canceling the wedding. I’m so angry that I end up storming into Karrie’s room to see that she’s on her laptop ORDERING THAT STUPID PINK 2K DRESS. I was so dumbfounded at the nerve of her that I couldn’t even face her. I left and didn’t say a word. Downstairs Laura is crying to her fiancé and the parents are yelling all the while Karrie is happily in her room buying stupid crap because she got her way. I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry.
I wish Laura had more of a backbone. I would have told Karrie to not bother coming if she was going to act like that. I don’t even know what to do now. I’m also hurt that Laura gave the title to her just like that because she screamed for it. I don’t know what to say or do to anyone. What should I do?
TLDR; big sister titled me maid of honour, but little sister threw and tantrum and now she is the maid of honour instead of me
***Quick Edit: We live on a farm. So we have approx 6 acres of open space where we are holding the wedding. The cooks who are preparing the hotdogs and hamburgers will he wearing masks, the guests are all required to wear masks and we have hand sanitizer bottles at every table. Sorry I had forgotten to include that. Personally I wouldn’t want to risk it too much but I’ll be wearing a mask and hand sanitizing constantly so I don’t have to miss my sister’s wedding and pray that everything turns out fine. We also have a little tap at the side of our house we use as a sink all the time that’s available to guests. I forget that a lot of people right now probably aren’t taking any precautions at all, so I wanted to mention we are, if at least a little.

UPDATE
Just wanted to post an update on what happened this afternoon. When I made that post it was already 3 days past the Karrie melt down, so I gave it a lot of time and thought and soaked in everyone’s piece of advice on here. Alan (Laura’s fiancé) had actually called me early this morning and asked if I’d be able to go over to see Laura, because he’s fed up with Karrie’s bullshit and we need to act fast. I was relieved to hear I wasn’t the only one fed up besides those on Reddit so I went over straight away.
Laura was on the couch in her PJ’s, hair unwashed and it looked like she had been crying the last few days. The image absolutely broke my heart and immediately she apologized to me and said she didn’t know what to do now.
Alan said he thought the 3 of us should all sit down with her and have an intervention, but Laura shut that down right away and said she doesn’t think she could handle anymore yelling. I agreed that being yelled at is the last thing Laura needs, and it should just be me and Alan. But Laura was nervous about that too, (she didn’t want Karrie to feel like she was being bombarded?)
so finally after a few back and forths Laura decided that she just wanted me alone to talk to Karrie without mom and dad, and her and soo together made a list of things that I need to address with her so that way things don’t steer off topic: (such as how it’s unacceptable to yell at a pregnant woman, no matter the circumstances. How disrespectful she was to criticize anything with the wedding and the name calling, and of course the most important part about her crying in order to be maid of honour)
I also decided to bring up with Laura about the fact that Charlotte and I (the other bridesmaid) were planning to have a fun bachelorette slumber party in a few days to help Laura celebrate. Laura’s face lit up and she seemed excited. I told her it was supposed to be a surprise, and Karrie was supposed to come, but given the circumstances and the fact that it’s at my flat I don’t want her there anymore and I wanted to see if Laura was fine with that. She said she was, and that she’d much rather have her other friend over instead in place of her. I told her that was completely fine, and after some more talking I made my way to mom and dads to see Karrie.
As soon as I walked in mom asked me what I was doing there, and I told her I needed to speak to Karrie. Mom looked around and in a hushed robe told me it’s best I leave, because the last three days after things were ‘resolved’ Karrie has been perfectly happy and no one in this family needs anymore drama.
I told mom I was sorry, but things in fact were not resolved. They were far from resolved. That’s when Karrie walked into the kitchen and asked what I was doing there. Mom tried to brush it off and say “Nothing, Amy was just coming to get something but she’s on her way out now.”
But I told her “No, actually that’s a lie. I’m here to talk to you about what happened the other day alone.”
Karrie didn’t seem pleased and moms face was as red as a tomato but Karrie and I proceeded to go into her bedroom to talk. I firstly told her how completely unacceptable it was for her to raise her voice and scream at a pregnant woman because of how harmful it was for the baby.
Immediately Karrie scoffed and said “No it isn’t. Don’t make up lies to make me feel guilty.”
I told her what lies?
She said “The baby isn’t going to be affected just because I raise my voice. It doesn’t even know what’s going on you’re just making stuff up.” (What the - this girl I swear)
I decided it’s no use arguing with stupid so I told her pregnant or not, this was Laura’s wedding not hers, and all of the name calling she did and harsh criticism of the decorations was completely childish and unacceptable. I then brought up the fact how her throwing that tantrum to get her way was the most childish thing I’ve ever seen in my life, and that if things were reversed and I made Laura take away Karrie’s maid of honour job she (Karrie) would have lost her mind, so how was it in anyways alright for her to do it to me?
In response to that she told me I’m acting so pathetic and that I reek of jealousy. She then said “There’s no real problem here you’re just jealous Laura decided she wanted me after all”.
I told her this was false, she wanted me, (otherwise she wouldn’t have asked) but agreed to make Karrie MOH to stop the fighting.
Karrie then very smugly said there was nothing I could do about it now, so I’d better get over it.
That’s when I told her she was no longer welcome to the sleepover we had planned, and that Laura also did not want her to come. Until Karrie decides to apologize to both me, Laura, and our parents for her outrageous behaviour, she was no longer welcome in my (and my fiancé’s home)
Suddenly mom burst through the door, (I’m assuming she was listening in) and went completely ape. She told me I had no right to ban Karrie from the sleepover and from my house and that the only reason I was doing it was to get back at her. She told me I was stirring up unnecessary drama and that at least Karrie didn’t mean to hurt feelings the other day, whereas right now I’m doing it on purpose. This is when Karrie begins to cry and moan about how I’m always bullying her, and I’m not being fair.
My mom then goes over to Karrie and starts rubbing her back and says “I know honey she’s being very rude to you right now, you didn’t start anything.” ( gag )
That’s when I notice step dad standing at the door and I said to him “Do you not see all this? Did she at least tell you she bought that pink 2k dress?”
Dad looked awkwardly between my mom, sister and me before saying “I think everyone is stressed out and no one means what they say. Sisters fight, and I know by the end of the wedding you’ll all be the best of friends again.”
At this point I really really had enough. I told everyone I was leaving, and mom got up and said the discussion wasn’t over. I told her actually it was over, and unless Karrie apologizes to me and Laura, I will not be speaking to her.
On my way out I heard Karrie say there was nothing she needs to apologize about but I kept walking.
To say that I was hurt and angry is an understatement, and with how my head was pounding I just wanted some Advil and juice, so I went to the nearest drug store.
Now, this part might have been where I crossed over the line, I’m honestly not so sure. But in my last post I didn’t mention (because I didn’t find it relevant) that Karrie has a boyfriend she’s been going out with for approximately 6 months. His name is Noah, he’s 27, he’s hardcore Christian and overall a really cool guy. I’ve met him at the city’s university about 2 years ago, and we had a lot of the same courses together and became pals. He and Karrie have quite a bit in common (they both love animals, he fosters animals all the time and Karrie at that point was debating on studying to be a vet) so at the beginning of January Noah moved back to our part of the city where he got a job as a pharmacist and that’s when he and Karrie started going out. (Which we were all cool with because he really is a great person)
Because of his Christian values he’s very excited to get married and have kids ASAP. He’s said multiple times he hopes to be engaged by the end of this year. Karrie is also his first relationship, which might be another reason why he’s so anxious for the commitment.
Anyways: I got some Advil and juice and was surprised to see Noah, because I didn’t know he worked at this particular pharmacy, so he waved me over and saw the Advil and asked if I was sick. I told him no, just a headache from the wedding stress. He said “Oh? Karrie never mentioned any wedding stress, she said things were going terrific.” This surprised me, but mostly pissed me off, so I asked him if that means she never told him about the situation a few days before. He had no clue, so I made it brief and I told him the highlights of her name callings, screaming, and choosing her own dress against my sister’s wishes and how now she’s the new maid of honour.
This surprised Noah and he said stuff like “Are you sure? I know Karrie, she always hates yelling. She didn’t actually make that big of a scene did she?” I told him yes it was all very, unfortunately, true. Then I told him that if she talks to him, to please recommend her some sort of therapist (he knows quite a few) and I told him perhaps she might even need medicine for bipolar disorder for all I know. I told him I am now out of her life unless she apologized, and if I were him I would think very carefully before making a commitment to her anytime soon. He stood there and didn’t respond so I left and when I went home Alan and my fiancé were playing video games and they asked what happened so I told them everything. Alan and fiancé think I was in the right for everything including warning Noah.
Later on that evening however I got countless texts from Karrie and my mother who were furious that I mentioned anything to Noah just to “start shit” on purpose. I did not respond to any of the messages and instead I blocked both of their numbers for the time being.
As for Noah, Karrie has him wrapped around her little finger completely, so I honestly don’t see him doing anything drastic. He sees how she is when she’s pouty, and how she is when she’s spoilt but I think all of that goes over his head completely. But still, I felt I needed to say something.
I wish I could say I feel better and like a new woman...but I don’t. I feel hurt and betrayed. It feels like my throat and my chest are clogged and I honestly don’t know if it’ll ever clear. At the end of the day Laura called me and said she really wants me as her maid of honour, but in order to keep the peace she is choosing Karrie. For now I will swallow my pride and my pain and support my favourite sister in anything she decides and I’m going to love my new niece/nephew to bits.

4 Months Later
Hey y’all, - many of you have been messaging me for an update! I’m sooo sorry it’s been awhile I never log into this account. So if you haven’t seen the previous posts I’ll link them below, (first post was here on the group, 2nd was on my profile because it got removed from here)
Laura had the wedding. It was before the 2nd lockdown and out in our family’s farm with about maybe 50 people that showed. Karrie wore the dress she chose because Laura caved and then wore the tiara thing she picked out.
Days before the wedding Karrie made Facebook posts directed at me, just statuses saying stuff like “Can’t believe my own family would be so toxic and bully me.”
Stuff like that. So eventually I blocked her. Honestly nothing too out there happened during the wedding. Karrie got drunk and tried to sing and dance and make the attention fall on her, of course, but nothing overly out there. Gave me the cold shoulder big time and if I would enter the room she would announce that she can’t be around negative energy then leave, dragging her boyfriend with her.
Her boyfriend proposed to her, and texted me asking if I would please try to make things up with her and help plan the wedding. I told him I was sorry, but I still wanted to be his friend I just can’t have her in my life. He told me he was sorry and he hopes we one day reconcile.
Haven’t spoken to Karrie in months, but Laura is doing good and they still keep in touch. Mom and my stepdad have been silent and I’ve just been keeping my distance as well. I don’t have any of them on Facebook anymore but Laura keeps me in the loop.
Edit: on those of you saying I shouldn’t have told Noah I think Karrie is bipolar, you’re probably right. I want to say I never meant it in a malicious way. My good friend is bipolar, and recently started taking medication. I began noticing similar outbursts and traits between the two of them, and it was my friend who suggested Karrie might be. I brought it up to Noah because I wondered (since he’s in the medical field) if he would have any knowledge or be able to convince her to see someone. I in no way judge anyone who is bipolar.
Also I in no way claim that I’m the victim or 100% innocent in this. Of course I’ve had my own arguments with Karrie before hand and during this, so I know she’s not just the bad guy here. I usually try to stay out of any outburst her or my mom has had in the past.

AITA for not wanting my fiancé’s 2 sisters in my bridal party?

UPDATE ON: I feel like the least liked daughter-in-law.

Well I’ve graduated guys, I’m officially the least liked daughter in law, and honestly its kind of freeing.
The advice I got on the last post was to drop the rope, and if FMIL was talking shit about FSIL to me - to be aware that it was probably going both ways and FMIL was probably talking shit about me to FSIL too. Someone also mentioned that the distance FSIL had with FMIL was probably warranted, and with FSIL having been around for longer than me - they probably had more history and issues that I wasn’t aware of.
I’d say that was all spot on.
—
NEEDED BACKGROUND ON FFIL
I’m going to start this off with some more background on FFIL FMIL and FFIL dated for about six months when they got married, FFIL is ten years older than FMIL. FMIL says the night they got married he said that he was the man of the house and she had to what she was told and going forward it was his say only because that is the husbands role according to the bible. He is previously divorced and gave up custody of his first child. Neither my fiancé nor his older brother have contact with this other half sibling. According to FFIL it's because god spoke to him and told him to do it. According to FMIL its because he didn’t want to pay child support. FFIL talks openly about how he never wanted kids, he missed my fiancé’s older brothers birth, the older brother tells me FFIL was with another woman that night. FFIL talks about how never wanting kids made it hard for him to accept my fiancé’s older brother, and how he specifically didn’t want him, but by the time my fiancé came around FFIL was less bothered and actually spent time with my fiancé vs the older brother. Both of the boys say he was very physically abusive. We’re talking throat grabs, belts, sticks, leaving marks. FMIL said it was to the point where CPS stepped in (fiancé said his brother made the call to protect him) and the boys needed therapy and FFIL need angeparenting classes. FFIL continued the abuse with my fiancé until my fiancé was in his later teens and was able to put FFIL through a wall to get away from him - from what I know FFIL hasn’t touched my fiancé since. The older brother had more of the abuse between the two boys until he moved out. FMIL and the boys talk about how FFIL is very controlling, narcissistic, along with biblically and emotionally abusive. FFIL says he has university credentials, both boys have looked into this and can’t find any proof of this - according to the boys he has a GED equivalent from their birth country. He did have a high paying sales job before they moved to the country we're all in now, but he hasn’t worked in at least fifteen years. He had the job need for citizenship, got his papers, then quit and demanded FMIL become the breadwinner - while FMIL still had to do all household chores. FMIL is the one that is working now has for about 15 years, and according to her and the boys her salary goes into FFILs account and he gives her a small allowance monthly of $100, she isn’t allowed to purchase anything without bringing home receipts. Even though FFIL hasn’t worked in forever - FMIL has to do all the cooking and cleaning and FFIL does nothing, won’t even get himself his own drink, FMIL has to do everything.
FFIL says he’s a ‘radical christian’ and says he hears god speak to him. I’m no expert on the bible, but I spent my whole school life in catholic school and know enough. FFIL constantly twists the bible to his benefit without following through on the practices. He also uses the bible to browbeat his kids and his wife into doing what he thinks they should, taking versus out of context and not actually using the parable of the stories. The hypocrisy is offensive.
I have yet to ever hear anyone ever speak about FFIL in a good light, and with all of the above information - I’m inclined to believe the man is trash too.
The general consensus I get is that everyone tolerates FFIL to be allowed to have access to FMIL.
—
TAKING REDDITS ADVISE AND DROPPING THE ROPE
I followed through and did exactly that.
About five weeks before the visit is when the planning had started and I preceded to no longer initiate the weekly FaceTime dates my Fiancé and I had with his parents, I stopped texting to chat, I started doing bare minimum in group chats, instead of comments back I’d only give reactions. I have never ignored or not responded to a question and was polite but distant.
After about three weeks of this FMIL calls my fiancé and asks what’s up, according to him - he said that honestly we both weren’t happy with the outcome of the weekend plans and we definitely felt ignored and under appreciated.
FMIL then texts me to tell me that she would like to go dress shopping with me on her august trip, completely avoiding and ignoring the appointment for July. I respond saying the date won’t work due to dress making time restrictions and that I’ll have all the dress purchased before her next trip down. That due to covid and minimizing the wedding to siblings and parents only was already disappointing and I wasn’t willing to compromise on my dress too.
FMIL calls me on FaceTime to talk about what I sent her, FFIL is in the background listening to the conversation.
FMIL then texts my fiancé to tell him that I’ll have picked a dress with my bridal party and mom only, and I’m purposely excluding her. She then lied and said I didn’t invited her in July - how I don’t laugh or smile the same on FaceTime anymore and that she’s clearly offended me and that my Fiancé needs to explain that she’s not intended to do anything wrong and that my Fiancé needs to pass along the apology for her.
---
THEN I PICKED UP THE ROPE - WORST IDEA
My Fiancé wasn’t liking how I decided to handle the situation and distance myself, he told me he didn’t want to be the go between when his mother brought him into the issues between her and I, and how I needed to address it and give her the opportunity to change her behaviour.
Looking back now, if I’d followed my gut and ignored it - we’d probably be better off.
I responded to her directly in text saying that in the future if her and I had issues, or if she had an apology - that they should be coming directly from her, not through my Fiancé. I corrected all the discrepancies and non truths she sent to my fiancé. I explained that this wasn’t the first time she’d bailed on me to hang out with my FSIL and that in the future I was hesitant to make plans with her because I didn’t think she’d be able to follow though and the entire situation was becoming exhausting and something I no longer was interested in participating in. How I encouraged her to take all the time she wanted to with my FSIL, FBIL and their baby - I hoped she had all the fun she wanted, this wasn’t about jealousy or me not wanting her to spend time with them. It was about her lack of consideration for my fiancé and I, and how it sucked. How her words in private weren’t matching up with her actions in public and how I was struggling to trust her going forward.
FMIL took this as a personal attack. Played the martyr and stated how she wasn’t a strong person and how she wasn’t able to tell people no. She then told me I was blaming all of covid on her, how I called her a bad mother, how FFIL had made all the decisions for her. How she was soooo sorry that she ever wanted to spend time with FSIL and FBIL along with her new grand baby. How she was trying to split time evenly and was obviously a failure at everything. How her August trip would be all about my fiancé and I, how she was so excited to help plan the shower with my mother and my maid of honour. Basically stated my feelings and experiences were misguided, that I was blowing things out of proportion and she wasn’t at fault for anything - while simultaneously apologizing for everything she had done. While also saying FFIL was the reason she wouldn’t be going dress shopping and he wasn’t letting her do what she wanted.
My fiancé read the entire conversation, agreed his mother was dismissing us, being dramatic and blowing what I said out of proportion and taking it to the extreme, while also blaming it all on FFIL. My fiancé thought I was polite, never rude or offensive, just honest. He also agreed with my points of contention.
Although FMIL said the convo was private and for us only, apparently she did tell FFIL about it - didn’t show him messages just paraphrased it, resulting in FFIL also blowing the whole thing out of proportion.
—
THE JULY VISIT
FFIL stayed with us and was a horrible house guest.
FSIL and FBIL were wishy washy with plans and making it hard to settle on plans, actively ignoring direct questions from both us and FMIL.
FMIL was distant.
I showed up and participated, hosted two of the three joint meals - let them enjoy the visit while I cooked and cleaned, mostly to stay away from them without looking rude.
Had cake for all the missed birthdays, gifts for missed mothers day and fathers day along with FMILS bday.
FSIL was rude to both me and my fiancé, anything we did resulted in eye rolls, huffs, and annoyance.
Up until that visit I was allowed to hold and play with their baby, although for some reason this visit seemed to be a problem and I was reprimanded by FSIL for pick him up.
FMIL had spend almost all the time with them, and only one afternoon with us while the baby was napping other than joint meals.
FMIL was always quick to leave and seemed to be pulled away when FFIL wanted.
Twice FFIL told my fiancé I wasn’t allowed to either get FMIL from the lobby or to see her in passing as FMIL was dropping FFIL off at our place. My fiancé told him to shove it and that FFIL wasn’t allowed to dictate what I did.
FMIL spend my whole wedding dress appointment time with FSIL, FBIL and the baby.
As my fiancé and I said goodbye to FMIL and FFIL, my fiancé and his dad got into a fight about FFILs behaviour on the trip and how if he was going to be rude, controlling, and mean - he should just send FMIL down for visits, because the family has a better time that way.
I sent a message after to FFIL saying how shocking it was that in a global pandemic a controlling father in law was the biggest obstacle to dress shopping. How this story wasn’t going to go well to future generations when told, and how he was the villain in this story.
Through all of this FMIL consistently said she wanted to be included but FFIL was the reason she couldn’t be, but she was interested and wanted me to show her things later.
Later when she was home, I asked to FaceTime and talk to her to show her photos of the dress and talk about the experience and brushed me off for a couple days.
Finally after about a week of her brushing me off - she texts me asking to see photos, I sent her a one time view only on instagram messenger with a photo fo the model wearing the dress from the website. After all but begging for her attention I was over the lack of response and the avoidance, and I don't reward bad behaviour.
—
FFIL AND HIS STAY WITH US DURING THE JULY VISIT
He expected to be waited on hand and foot.
FFIL said things like;
‘Black people are inferior and have ticker skulls and smaller brains.’
My response was how that was white supremisit level racist thinking, and if that had any truth in that fake fact that it would have been used for decades as propaganda and slander against black people - itshasn’t because that’s not true.
FFIL responded with ‘A doctor in South Africa told me this, so it's true.’
I responded with a white doctor during the apartheid was not a reliable source and he should be reeducated.
FFIL responded with ‘When I was a child a black woman wiped my ass so I can’t be racist. I let black people nanny my kids, and clean my house and I PIAD them, I’m not racist.’
I told him those things didn’t make him not racist and we could agree to disagree on this one.
He then proceeded to tell me that 'all Canadians (where we live now) have an inferior gene pool and we’re all inbreeds and that why we all have weak immune systems and get sick all the time.'
I responded with - my interracial family (which includes black people) would disagree with that, and having grown up in Ontario with nothing but immigration and multiculturalism and the county with the highest refugee population intake in the world last year - he was wrong and misinformed.
(To clarify my Fiancé and his parents are white. My Parents, siblings, and I are also white. Aunts and cousins have married in and birthed several different skin colours and cultures - something FFIL was well aware of when he said this to me)
That turned into ‘All Canadians are lazy and don’t work hard’
I responded with the fact that he retired in his forties and how the irony in that statement was hilarious. Especially considering the fact that my father was a hard worker and did nothing but work over time to provide for his family, and his father before that worked from the ground up to be Sr. Vp of one of the major five banks in Canada.
__
FFILS EMAIL TO MY FIANCE
FFIL sends an email to my Fiancé a week after FMIL and FFIL left saying my Fiancé needed information.
FFIL said that I sent a lengthy letter to FMIL telling her what type of person she was and asking for an apology for everything that happened concerning arguments and who she is. That he wouldn’t be forwarding what was said between FMIL and I, but that FMIL shouldn’t have to apologize. That I was horrid and attacked FMIL.
That because of my text FFIL decided to punish me by not having FMIL go to the dress appointment because of what I said in my letters.
That my Fiancés brother and his wife were family, and I wasn’t which meant I wasn’t important to factor into timing and events.
That I sent FFIL messages after they left but that FFIL wouldn’t share the content but that FFIL blocked me on FB for it.
That my Fiancé and I should and I quote ‘'Do not try and split that which has stood the test of time and commitment between mom and myself by saying what you said on Monday.” In reference to my fiancé telling him not to come and visit if he couldn’t be nice.
—
THE FACE TIME CALL
After the email was sent my fiancé says we’re FaceTiming his parents because his father crossed another line.
My fiancé points to them were;
Don’t interrupt me at work with petty shit, this could all have been dealt with not during work hours.
That FFIL was over the line with his email, trying to control the narrative by ’tattling’ on me and not providing any proof. That the slander and lies about me would no longer be tolerated.
That my fiancé has read all messages gong back and forth between both of them, because I willing provided them and wanted him to have all the information, that my fiancé didn’t think there was anything wrong with my behaviour and he agreed with me.
Things FFIL said to us;
That me saying I would tell the truth about his bad behaviour was vile and vicious, and I shouldn't speak of his behaviour.
That he had blocked me on social media going forward but that me blocking him in return was rude and I shouldn’t do that.
I wasn’t family until paper work was signed. (Although when convenient and in his benifit in the past, he would call me family)
My fiancé and I are less important to them because we hadn’t birthed them a grandchild.
Things FMIL said to us;
She was overwhelmed with how great my family was at arts and crafts and being included in conversations about the wedding was stressful and overwhelming.
How Covid had taken a lot away from us for the wedding and it was stressful for her to talk about anything in regards to the wedding because she felt bad and for us.
That she was near 60 and she’s been apologizing to people for her whole life and shouldn’t have to apologies for her bad behaviour anymore.
That because when she made plans with us and we expected her to follow through, she never wanted to make plans with us again because she didn't want to be held accountable.
That even though she never directly asked for time alone with my fiancé she shouldn't have to ask and we should just know to let her have time alone with him.
___
WHERE I'M AT NOW
I dropped the rope completely at this point.
What a waste of my time and energy.
After years of playing the perfect daughter in law, hosting, showing up to everything, reminding my Fiancé to call on the holidays, send gifts, call them back. I”M DONE.
I literally just asked for a little more attention for both of us as a couple, and they took it as a personal attack and decided that because we expected to be treated not even equally - just nicely, we weren’t worth their time.
The irony in FFILs comment about us not being important because we hadn’t given them grandchildren shook me. The fact that FMIL didn’t disagree but just nodded her head after he said that pissed me off.
Jokes on them though, we will not be exposing our future children (wedding is February and we’re ready to try right after) to any type of FFILs abusive behaviour nor FMIL blatant favouritism.
There is more to the story and the aftermath of all of this, but that will be another post for another time.

Baby shamer in law and how I’m supposed to keep my first pregnancy a secret (TW: miscarriage)

This has been a brutal year for me. For one, I’m a nurse and I’m sure you can imagine how fun that’s been this year. 🙄 On top of it, this is my first year of marriage and I’ve had 2 pregnancy losses. The 2nd was very traumatizing for me since it was a missed miscarriage resulting in a D&E. Anyway, I’m pregnant now! I’ll be 15 weeks on Saturday and everything has been perfect so far. We are planning to have a virtual gender reveal this Saturday as well.
Well here comes Baby Shamer, my SIL. We have had a tumultuous relationship over the years. She can be.. a lot. She means well really but she can be extremely selfish and clueless. My oldest brother disowned our family some years ago and blamed her in part for his desire to end his relationship with all of us. I can see it in some ways. I never could blame her fully though since he’s kind of a childish ass. She was certainly a piece of work when I got married last year. She was initially pissed she wasn’t my MOH, and my best friend was (I’ve known her for 20 years!). Then she was mad because the bridesmaid dresses looked too much like the color she chose for her wedding. SHE GOT MARRIED IN 2005! It’s been 14 years! She was hugely dramatic about most stuff including taking over my bridal shower. It was beautiful but all the drama really undermined any bit of happiness I had that day.
Before I got married, she had a really traumatic miscarriage and it was pretty much the nail in the coffin for them having any more children. It’s totally heartbreaking. She’s an only child so I really felt for her. She told me she was having trouble being happy for me for my wedding since she was feeling so traumatized. I understood. She was seeing a therapist. I tried to ignore her outbursts as much as possible since I figured a lot of it was from emotional stress and she was projecting. I really want to have a good relationship with her and the only other brother I ever get to see.
So let’s bring it to this year. When I was pregnant in May, I couldn’t hold back from telling my family. We told our parents and then surprised my brother and SIL and my nephew after his bday party. In hindsight, we probably should have waited but we were so excited. It was a natural birth and the infertility center didn’t think it would ever happen that way. When I told them, Baby Shamer started to obviously count on her fingers to guess how many weeks I was. When she realized I was about 8 weeks, she just looked at me with her eyes wide. Kind of a “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” sort of judgmental look. She’s a big believer in the 12 week rule I guess. Well about 2 weeks later, I miscarried and I had to tell everyone I lost the baby. Baby Shamer made me a huge dinner and delivered it to my house with a beautiful bouquet after my D&E. She was so helpful in listening to me emotionally unload. I was thankful for her as the closest thing I have to a sister.
This time hasn’t been so supportive. We told our parents at 11 weeks. I waited until after seeing my OB to tell my brother and SIL the news on FaceTime. They requested I call after 8:45 since my nephew would be in bed and my brother would be settled after work. I didn’t think much of it. They seemed.. subdued. I told them and Baby Shamer said “Yeah I thought that was what you were going to tell us.” No real congratulations or anything. We mostly talked about real estate since we are planning to move closer to them since it’s more convenient for work for my husband and me. Again, I didn’t think much about it. When we ended the call, Baby Shamer said “Let’s not tell [nephew] right now. He doesn’t have a clue about where babies come from and he keeps asking me.” I agreed and thought it was reasonable at the time.
However, the vibe has certainly changed. There have been no check in texts or anything like that. Very minimal communication regarding the holidays or gifts. Usually she’s asking about what to get my stepson or giving me my nephew’s gift list. It was like pulling teeth this year. Mind you, she’s a stay at home mom and my nephew has been going to school in person. She is home alone with the dog all day. She definitely has some time to spare. We had a FaceTime call on Christmas Day during dessert so we could all spend a little time together. I made some mention of not feeling super great lately since my sleep has been messed up from being uncomfortable. Just as my dad was trying to talk to me about it, Baby Shamer cuts in and says “Can we not do this stuff right now?” Meaning no baby talk in front of her son. I was kind of taken aback. I didn’t even mention a baby. I was trying to be respectful of her wishes but now I was started to feel censored.
After the call, I’ve started to think more about this. Did she have to keep her pregnancy a secret? Did anyone tell her not to talk about it? We honestly bent over backwards for her. It was one major reason why my brothers ended their relationship. I won’t go into detail, but it had to do with my oldest brother’s son not being vaccinated. Why should I I have to stay silent about a major part of my life and something that I should be enjoying right now? Telling me not to talk about my pregnancy with MY parents and MY brother. Who the hell does she think she is?
I realized it finally: she doesn’t want my nephew to know because she thinks I could miscarry again. I can’t even express how unbelievably cruel and shitty that is. What an awful thing to assume. My mother all but confirmed today that’s exactly why she told me not to tell my nephew. I lost my shit on the phone. Now my mom is insisting I call my brother to tell him how I feel. I noticed that Baby Shamer opened my evite for the gender reveal on Saturday but never RSVPd. I’m assuming because they don’t plan on attending. How fucking messed up is that? My only brother I have left and he is just letting this happen? I don’t even know where to go with this. My brother is not really the type to have this sort of conversation with because he is just totally not emotional in any way. I’m sure he’ll just take her side like he always does.
Edit: Just going to add a little more info here. My brother isn’t an easy guy to talk to about ~feelings~ and I know this wouldn’t be a conversation that would go over well with either of them. My dad had a call tonight with my brother regarding my mom’s bday next week. The gender reveal party was mentioned and my brother had no idea it was even happening. I had sent the evite to my SIL’s email since my brother is an attorney and usually is too busy to check his gmail. She interrupted the phone call to tell my dad “We are NOT going to do that”. My dad was pretty taken aback and my brother apparently didn’t know what to say about it. My dad called me later to ask what was going on and I told him what’s up. He advised me to let it go because he said, “Well he’s going to find out at some point. She can’t protect him forever.” Fair enough. It’ll work itself out and I don’t want to create more hurt here for anyone. It’s just not worth battling over. My dad mentioned my SIL won’t speak to my mom and hasn’t since Thanksgiving. No idea what’s happening so it sounds like there’s a lot more on her plate than I’m aware of. I kind of figured it had to be more than this and I didn’t want to think she was HOPING I’d miscarry or was jealous or anything awful like that. She’s not that kind of person!

Help! My wedding is already being tarnished by my FMIL...

So this is my first post! I've been agonizing over what to do in reference to my FMIL and my plans for the wedding ESPECIALLY the bridal shower.
Just to preface and sorry for the novel in advance – I'll give her some credit, she was a good provider for my fiance working two jobs most of her early motherhood, feeding and putting a roof over his head & such and he's turned out being a genuine wonderful good hearted person BUT she is the least emotionally supportive person. She is likely a narcissist, all about how she's viewed, needs to look like a good mother, does nice things for people only to flaunt and brag about how nice she is, needs things to look perfect to an outsiders perspective, and craves praise from people on Facebook about how great of a wife/mother she is, manipulative to the people she's supposed to be close to, def lots of gaslighting and I could go on but we all know the type I'm talking about. I have been through a whole lot in my life with people displaying similar behaviors and have learned a thing..or 12 lol so I see through the facade and pay attention to the smack talk to the family behind our backs. My intuition has been more detrimental than helpful. I'm also NOT a people pleaser especially for people who have shown not to deserve it. She's never much liked me but more pretended at times and mostly ignored me the rest, which I'm TOTALLY okay with because small talk with her is a waste of mental energy.
So here is the straw that broke the camels back with me...six months ago we were BOTH making the invite list (isn't that how it always starts lol). We asked for her recommended invites for his side of the fam and she sent about 68 people. Seems normal? However, we specifically noted to her that the list will be cut down due to finances (also the fact I didn't know half the people and we went through with specific criteria for who is invited or not...no one needs their mothers friend of-of a friend-of a friend invited when it's about 180/person). We want a smaller intimate wedding with 130 people invited. We have a lot more close friends than close family so we decided 30 invites per side, 24 invites for the bridal party and the rest filled with friends. I transparently told her that in person AND over email. She asked to see HIS friend list...I said "we have most of the same friends" and that's true seeing as though we met in college and hang with the same people this many years later. Red flag #1. She did not respond to that email (again, cool with me) and TEXTED my fiance privately with a rude text about how her health cannot handle the stress (manipulation) and that she felt it rude that ME, not my fiance, were cutting down the list of her family as if he had no part in the decisions. My fiance and I drafted a very honest text stating politely that we understand her wanting to be involved in the process but to respect boundaries and that it is our wedding. She. Had. A. Temper-tantrum. A minute after sending the text she called him 6 times leaving 4 VMs and proceeded to call my phone leaving 2 VMs. These 2 VMs were pretty much cussing me out, telling me I'm cutting people I don't even know (yeah honey, that's the point...), telling me she's doesn't seem to be apart of planning the rehearsal dinner (because she has manipulative tendencies and we prefer not to take her leverage money) and to "wipe her side clean" and not invite his side of the family. The VMs she left her own son were worse. My fiance always said how mean she can be and how she treats him but me being naive thought it was exaggerated. He let me listen to two of them and I cried not for myself but for the fact he'd actually been treated this way his whole life by the person who gave him life and should love him unconditionally. Since then, she has proceeded to talk terribly about him and me to his family, has been neglectful and nasty ignoring him. His grandfather passed away who he was close to and her behavior at the viewing was disgraceful – I won't even get into it. There's a lot more but I'll spare you.
OKAY, so my question is this; I decided shortly after her tantrum that I had had enough and don't want to see her until the wedding. I have spent about 4-5 years TOLERATING her. My fiance and I agreed she's to be treated like any other invite. It's wedding etiquette to invite your FMIL to your bridal shower. I am not close to her, I don't like her, she has been nothing but rude to me and her own son. I'm not one for second chances especially considering her demeanor towards me.
Do I HAVE to invite her to my bridal shower?
Keep in mind a couple things. His side is NOT paying for a DIME of this wedding OR rehearsal. My parents (very generously I might add) and us are the only ones paying for everything. During the VMs she sent she was STONE COLD SOBER. And on his Bday, she said "Happy birthday, your gift is on the counter. Hope you have a good day" meanwhile my mother sent him a sweet birthday card AND called him at 8 a.m. to talk a while and wish him a happy birthday. My family absolutely adores him. It makes me happy he has my family loving and supporting him but it's not the same as your own family, ya know?
Help? How do I even handle this...I want a wedding and I'm going to get it. But the thought of dealing with her drama haunts me at night.

SIL has called me the C Word twice in public, I’ve never received apologies

TW mention of suicide threat
First time posting. Excuse the format or any spelling mistakes. I’m not super familiar with the app and I’m on mobile obv.
May be a long story but I feel details are important.
My husband and I are both 29. We got married about a year ago, been together 5 years. When we were dating, I was became very close friends with my now SIL (she’s 31 now). I regarded her as one of my closest friends. She merged with me and my group of friends from college. Everything is great.
Fast forward to our engagement. Her behavior towards me entirely changes. She’s the type of person who can be very mean to people when she’s angry, but she never was like that towards me. But as soon as My husband and I were engaged, she started treating me like she treats everyone else (like shit tbh, lol). Being that we are close friends, when this starts happening at first, I chalk it up to it maybe stress in her life and I don’t think much of it. But the thing is, she never went back to treating me well like she did before. The negative behavior towards me persists and worsens. Nothing happened between us as far as conflict that would merit such a change. The only thing that changed was I was now going to marry her brother.
Things got really bad the closer we got to the wedding. So bad, that my husband and I went NC with her for a few months. She was in my wedding party (i asked her to be before she started hating me) so this complicated things. I wasn’t going to kick her out of the wedding bc that would be a bad look on me, and at the time I was still holding out hope that this was just a difficult time in her life, and eventually she’d come around and we’d go back to being very close. I mean we were about to be family! Unfortunately I was so wrong.
Rewind to why we became no contact for the first time. We were at a bar with our mutual friends. It was a weeknight, so it was just some friends sitting around a table having some beers. Everything is going fine and we’re playing a game. Next thing you know, she screams at me from across the table that im a “dumb cunt” and throws out a few “fuck you”s etc. What led to her blow up was that we were all having a conversation and the subject of divorce came up. Her parents were recently divorced so I guess it was a sensitive subject for her to participate in. Understandable. But she blew up on me when I said my opinion that divorce should be 50/50 as far as finances go and she disagreed. I was confused, because her mom quit her career as a successful nurse to raise her and my husband when they were children. So I said “why would you feel that way, that would have screwed over your mom” and she just flipped out. My husband was right next to me, and he did not take offense to what I said. Not only that, but when my MIL caught wind of the fight (because SIL told her) she literally told my SIL that it wasn’t an offensive thing for me to say. Anyway, that’s why she called me a cunt in front of all our friends and stormed out of the bar.
No, I never received an apology for that. But we ended up going LC for the sake of family and the wedding. Again, despite everything at this point I am still holding out hope that everything will go back to normal. I still had the memory of her being nice to me and one of my closest friends fresh in my memory. Her behavior was so 0-60 and I was just naive. So the day of the wedding comes. It goes smoothly for the most part. She gets extremely, extremely drunk though. But she does this all the time so it’s not out of the ordinary and it is a wedding after all. I find out from my best friend of 15 years that SIL was talking shit about me the whole day to the bridesmaids, particularly to my one friend. We’ll call my friend Catie. Catie is from out of state (from my home state, where I don’t live anymore) so she was the only one in my bridal party not part of my friend group. Catie doesn’t know anything about the dynamic between me and my SIL. I never told her anything about it. So when Catie tells me a few months later (so as to not ruin my wedding) that SIL was telling her details about a fight my husband and i had months back (exaggerated). SIL was also telling Catie all about how her parents supposedly don’t like me and didn’t want my husband and I to get married (not true). She did this the whole day and even AT THE CEREMONY! I checked the video, and you can see my SIL laughing telling Catie something at the alter right after they said “you may now kiss the bride” and Catie is visibly turning around to grimace at SIL in a “wtf” fashion. I know the video could be anything, but with all the other information, seems unlikely that it’s untrue. Again Catie is my oldest friend, she’s never lied to me. She has no dog in this fight, and she didn’t know anything about my SIL or our relationship.... seems too coincidental that she’s just make up the whole thing and have details she’d otherwise never know. Not only that, but i asked my other friend from out of state about SIL to see if maybe she said something to her. She said she didn’t, but she remembers that Catie told her SIL was saying weird shit to her so I should ask Catie. Basically i whole heartedly believe Catie. But in a way it sucks, because there’s no way SIL will ever admit this and I can never prove it.
Fast forward to after the wedding. We’re on better terms with SIL (i didn’t know of the wedding situation yet) and we hangout sometimes with our mutual friends. Then the big thing happens. SIL wanted to have a 4th of July pool party at my FIL house, but my husband and I were already doing that with another couple (that she isn’t friends with). This is during covid and I am pregnant. We tell her we don’t want her inviting all her friends bc they don’t social distance. In fact, they are still going to bars and what not. This causes a huge rift for some reason. She tells us we’re stupid for wanting to be cautious and that it’s not a big deal, etc. because she just wants her way. My husband refuses to back down and give her her way, which she is used to getting bc my husband and his family are very patient and accommodating (besides SIL lol).
A week later i receive a text on a Thursday night at midnight. It’s a group message. All 10 of our mutual friends (my friends from college originally) are in this group text. My SIL says “i just want this whole group to know that OP is a fucking bitch. My parents can’t stand her, i have text messages to prove it.” No conversation was going on in this group beforehand. SIL was just wasted. It doesn’t stop there, she keeps going. I respond and she says “you shut up you FUCKING CUNT.” So at this point I text her individually. Long story short, she blames me for her and her brothers relationship being not as close (it’s not as close bc you’re evil but ok) and says I ruined everything etc. she also peppers this conversation with screen shots of my FIL supposedly talking shit about me and my husband, but in reality it’s cropped and he wasn’t actually talking shit. FIL sent us the uncropped screens later. Anyway, the convo doesn’t end well and is obviously a dumpster fire. I do tell her about herself but it falls on deaf ears. Again it’s Thursday night at midnight, I’m 6 months pregnant and just wondering what the hell this shit is.
She also texted me and my sister in a group text, telling my sister something I supposedly said about her. My sister doesn’t give a flying F and doesn’t respond in the way SIL wants so she drops that. My husband wakes up bc he’s getting incessant texts from her too. Again long story short, she texts him that she’s going to kill herself and she hopes he feels guilty every single day bc it’s his fault. He calls his mom and she assures us that SIL is going to be alright and she’s monitoring her safety. SIL sent MIL the whole convo between us and told her the whole story. Does the same thing with my FIL. They’re enablers to an extent but in their defense my SIL is their daughter. My ILs don’t fault my husband and I for being NC. I don’t talk about the situation with them. My husband fills them in on our version of things after my SIL does first to set things straight, but other than that my husband and I would never involve his parents.
We’ve been NC since this incident. She sent us a baby gift without a card. We found out she sent it bc my MIL told my husband where asked, bc we thought my MIL must have sent it. Apparently, SIL was so kind as to want to send us a gift, but didn’t want us to know it was from her (except she did, that’s why she told her parents).
Anyway now I’m staring at her stupid gift. It felt good to get that off my chest. So much time has passed and I’m nervous that I’m going to let her back in. She hasn’t said sorry for a single thing, hasn’t contacted me at all.
What do you make of this?
ETA: i feel it’s important to note that 3 of my friends in the aforementioned friend group are also NC with my SIL now for reasons completely unrelated to me.

My Fiancé is the Best Man at a COVID wedding. I'm not invited and don't think it's safe/worth it to go?

Ok.... As someone who's lost family members to COVID, I think throwing wedding parties that don't just include immediate/close family is really irresponsible.
My fiancé is the best man at a wedding in late January, which I'm not invited to.
I also have some thoughts on this issue because of my personal situation. My fiancé and I have been together for the past five years. We’ve lived together for two before getting engaged. We'd already planned on having a long engagement and hadn't set a date, so once the pandemic started we knew we had to postpone so as to not endanger the lives of our loved ones. We had already decided on having a long engagement, so we’re happy waiting till COVID 19 passes.
I’m very well acquainted with my partner’s family/friends from his hometown. Thankfully our families know each other very well and everyone loves everyone like family already.
One of the guys from this social circle – who my fiancé considers to be a good childhood friend- recently got engaged. They went to different universities and don’t live in the same city anymore. They’d plan weekends to see each other over the years (I was almost always there, unless I was busy with school). I met him a couple months into our relationship, and we’ve always gotten along very well. One of my favourite memory of us together was when we all went camping in the summer.
I think around the third/fourth year of our relationship was when this friend started dating his now fiancé. The two would come to see us every month or so, we didn't have a car so they always did the trip, which was really nice of them! Whenever I was available during their visit we’d all hang out together as friends. The boys rarely hung out alone anymore because they stopped being really close friends/ this guy was very attached to his new GF and wouldn’t really go anywhere without her. My BF realized this was his first “serious” relationship and understood it meant the dynamic would change, so their guys nights became incredibly infrequent/ almost entirely disappeared. This guy had a reputation for dating around, cheating, partying a lot and it seemed he was letting go of that lifestyle. I actually really enjoyed developing a friendship with his GF too, she was really sweet! We’d do our own thing sometimes because we had similar interests.
My partner gets invited to be a groomsmen at their wedding pretty soon after their engagement. The groom tells my fiancé that they haven’t worked on the guest list yet but they’re confident they’ll be able to invite me too. My partner knows attending this wedding is risky, but would regret not being there for a friend’s wedding. They’ve planned a bachelor’s weekend in a different state – which I’m really not thrilled about because of COVID.
My fiancé gets his invitation 4 months later and my name isn’t on it, so he calls to ask to confirm I wasn’t invited. The groom tells him they couldn’t find the space.
**Also, at this point, we expected the wedding to be outdoors and both would have felt comfortable attending because we’d be able to socially distance, we learned later it would be indoors AND would have at least 50 people which made me VERY uncomfortable.
My fiancé is a bit surprised I’m not invited, since we’re an established, engaged couple, and also both know the bride equally well. He tries to get some explanation or clarification from the groom. The groom says he really wants my fiancé there and didn’t think it would be a problem to not give him a +1. They’ve invited quite a few (proportionally to the size of the wedding) friends to this wedding and a handful of other “couple” friends. The groom says they're only inviting couples with which they're both equally close to. Which I fully understand, I know we have only known each other a few years and have had like a "long distance" friendship.
He goes on to say “we don't have a personal issue with her (me) but ultimately we would just rather give that spot to another good friend” which is understandable and fair, it's their wedding, their call. I wouldn’t want to be there if they didn’t want me.
My partner and I drive back to his hometown for the some religious holidays, which is around when the couple is hosting their engagement party - which we are both invited to. My partner’s parents asks us to give the couple their wedding present, so we also bring them our gift at that time. That’s when we realize that literally every couple invited is just a part of the bride’s social circle, and the groom doesn’t even know some of them/is meeting them for the first time at the engagement party.
The groom really wants my fiancé at the wedding and told him if he doesn’t show up it proves he’s “whipped” (like the weapon or the cream LOL? sorry always found this expression hillarious) even though my fiancé has expressed how unhappy and uncomfortable he is attending without me.
All things considered, I’m really glad I’m not invited to what is basically a crowded, indoor, “destination” wedding which will cost a lot in airfare and accommodations. My partner is conflicted/upset. He’s worried about COVID, doesn’t want to risk it, but doesn’t want to miss this. The bridal party doesn’t have any formal wedding duties other than being in photos/planning the bacheloette parties, so they aren’t sitting together at the wedding, and he thinks he’ll be uncomfortable alone / and sad he won’t be able to dance with me. He hasn't made up his mind on going, and is really upset that I wasn't invited in the first place.
I’ve sent the couple a lovely note congratulating them on their wedding, but a part of me feels a little bit weird with the whole thing, they don't feel like good friends to my partner.

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